Things you can now do that you couldn't before... ...

[PicaK]

Put a TV in the lounge soon after he left.
Tbh, he was right, the settees did get trashed by the kids... But cuddling up on sofa with them far outweighs that.

Choose my own medical care without a row, work part time without constant guilting that o could earn more if I worked more (I'm disabled, raising a disabled child and 2 more children), be silent without being hassled to talk, eat basic meals without being criticized (think brand on toast, Mac & cheese etc) that it's not a real meal. Choose my own hairstyle. Be an outspoken feminist.

So, so much. I never realised the level of coercion in our relationship until left and I suddenly felt free.

Wear what I want, cut my hair how I want, eat what I want when I want, go to bed when I want, go out for as long as I like with whoever I want, not worry about the smallest of marks on the wall/worktop/anything in the house! I could go on but you get the drift. So much more relaxed, money is tight but everything else is so much better

Just not having to walk on eggshells is enough. Everything else is a bonus :)

@DDIJ

There is nothing really. Ive gone from being controlled and belittled by one person to being controlled and belittled by somebody else.

Can you do something about this? You don't have to be in this situation. Are there people around you who can help you?

So many things to mention...
I finally can have friends,stop being panicky when it was time for him to return home,eat what we want,go where we want,stop walking on the eggshells,stop worrying if he took my bank card to withdraw my money to spend it on alcohol,drugs or something totally unnecessary,fall sleep peacefully and so much more.
It's still huge emotional struggle but I am so glad he's gone.

I’m having serious life and marriage wobbles. I can’t contribute but reading with interest as I’ve recently woken to a life of limitations and rules!!

Relax and actually enjoy being at home,
Go out without being interrogated,
Sit in the living room and have a phone conversation in my language without passive aggressive comments,
Stay in the shower as long as I want without passive aggressive comments,
Have the heating on if I am cold,
Have days to chill out when he actually parents his own children,
Don’t have to cook on the days when he actually parents his own children,
Receive deliveries without him trying to find out what I bought every single time, even though we had separate finances for the last two years,
Don’t have to hear his TV/music 24/7

A lot of these sound like coercive relationships. I think a lot of my restrictions were self-imposed because I had become overly dependant on my ex (and depressed as a result). But now I can:
Sort out my own IT issues
Budget
Do my own DIY
Surf
Have great sex
Paint my walls teal
Watch as much crap reality tv with wine and chocolate as I want without being made to feel guilty

I've never chatted in a room like this before but I've also never been in a position like this before.
I have always been a hard working independant woman who has a good job and a fantastic family. 7 years ago I let a man in to my life and the worst bit is he was a deceitful ass from the start. With in the first month of living together I caught him trying to get with another woman (cant believe I forgave him) anyway a few years down the line we are married and a year after that I am pregnant with our beautiful little boy. I suffered from post natal depression which I admit was hard for both of us and I was pretty rough on him until I got help. When our son was 9 months old he informs me that he is up to his eye balls in credit card debt which he has kept secret from me for 6 years again I forgave him. Now two weeks before our sons second birthday he has left because he has met another woman. He blamed my depression and the hell I put him through with it but that was all sorted a long time ago, he said he is now being honest for the first time since we met, he said I was still his best friend though and wanted to remain in the house that is technically mine so we can raise our son together. Obviously by this point i grew a back bone, phoned his parents to come and get him and made sure there was no way he could get back in unless I let him (he did ask for a key so he can come and go as he pleased). Anyway right now I have a beautiful gorgeous little boy who is keeping me going all day with cuddles and laughter, but at night I am so confused and lost especially when I get in to bed, how do I stop myself from feeling like this? Secondly is karma real? I haven't heard from him or seen him since he left, not even for him to check up on his son

@killinthefear I'm so sorry you were put through that. His blame on you is just diversion so he feels less guilty.
You can get loads of support on here but you need to start your own thread in relationships (this is the end of someone else's).
My ex left me for another woman too. 3 years down the line he is miserable and I've rediscovered myself and living my best life.
Don't expect that he will change or ask to come back. But do know that you will emerge stronger while he is on the road to misery.