Decision time

[Timlew]

Help xxxx
I'm not really sure where to start it what Im asking.
We have been married for 6 years, together for 13. Two lovely boys.
I have been fighting my feelings for at least 4 years, really questioning my love. I feel it has gone. I feel for my husband and care for him but like I would a brother.
There is zero passion. Its never been a big part of our relationship anyway but we have not even touched each other or cuddled for a few months now.
In the past we have had marriage councilling about his ocd with money and his anxiety. He has tried to look and act happier rather than a miserable old man.
These problems have got better but my feelings haven't.
I feel we are together for the children which I promised myself would never happen.
I know my husband would happily carry on plodding along like an old married couple forever. I don't want that.
My question is how do I bring this up?
Our communication is rock bottom, we chat about mundane day to day things but it feels forced.
I don't bother bringing up problems anymore as he has always got defensive and goes like a teenager and all defensive so there really is no point.
He works full time, I am a stay at home mum I sell products to raise a bit of pocket money but nothing major.
I'm unhappy but scared of the next step.
He's a good guy, I don't want to break his heart, but I'm breaking mine in the process .... Xxxx

The fact that you don't even know how to bring it up is very telling. It shows that communication is zero.

You'll just have to tell him - there's no nice way to do it.

I think a good plan would be to say that you need to discuss your relationship and would like to arrange a walk with him so you can do it without the children present.

Then just tell him...

Or you could get a job and some savings first...that seems cold hearted but might be more sensible.

I am going through the same. He did leave for a few months but I gave in to pressure to give the marriage another go. I had a long time to think while he was away. I thought I can give at least for him one last attempt at saving the marriage. But I'm back to square one. I just don't have feelings for him anymore. Same as you, he's a lovely guy. Although at times over the years he's been pretty unkind with his words.. but that was the drink talking..
But I just can't find that spark anymore.
It's very sad isn't it.

Yes I really want to get a job, I only finished work to be with children however husbands work is long hours and he may have to work weekends and evenings so he wouldn't be able to say no to it (wouldn't want to say no to it). As my money wouldn't cover the money he lost out on.
Family aren't able to chikmind and my minimum wage job wouldn't cover childcare. Youngest starts full-time school in September so will have to wait till then.
My business can bring in the money but depends on getting the clients and being self employed at the moment isn't great.

Can I ask what line you're in Timlew? I only ask because I am a freelance writer and specialise in helping small, one-woman businesses. I'm not touting for business here...but I'm happy to advise you if I can. It may be that you can expand/grow your business more quickly than you think.

Do PM me if you don't want to discuss it on here.

Before you do any discussing get yourself organised. Copies of Bank statements, credit card bills etc. Open bank account if you don't have one. Are you on the Child Benefit? Claim it sharpish if you are not already. Get a copy of his latest pay slip.
Get a job, any job. Very part time.
Then you have to be ruthlessly honest. Find time away from kids to say you want a divorce.
Give him a time line. Say when you intend to apply. When you intend to separate.
Apply for UC as soon as you separate. That will give you access to some £s and childcare. (I think that's right but do ring CAB to check - they are so helpful.)
Do CMS calculator - request that from him.
Be aware of household bills and what you can contribute to them. Be fair.

Yes I agree with the above. When my husband left he cleared the joint Bank account. Leaving me with no money. He cancelled every single direct debit. He was angry.
Universal credit takes 5 weeks to receive a payment. So make sure you are financially safe.
My marriage is dead and my husband knows this deep down but he's happy to plod along. I'm not I'm very unhappy. It's all very sad. My grown up children are delighted I'm trying but there will come a time when I have to put myself first. And this situation is not good. I wish you all the best.