Can ex muck mediator around?

[HotCupOfNo]

I had my initial mediation meeting for financial mediation 5 weeks ago. Ex of 6 years was contacted by the mediatior asking him to go to mediation. They said they would close the case on day 10. He phoned late afternoon on day 9 to 'enquire' about a Miams (words of mediatior).

Two weeks ago I asked the mediator what was happening, they came back and said they'd be back to me within a few weeks to give me an update. I'm assuming a few is 3, so that's a week today until I can once again ask what on earth is happening.

I want to remarry. Ex wants me to be miserable. He's refusing to apply for absolute until 'finances' are sorted (there's nothing to sort, we had nothing).

Do I just bite the bullet and apply for the absolute myself? I don't want to make the situation worse but I need to be free of this total arsehole.

Tia

When you say nothing to sort what fo you mean? No property, no kids, no pension, no possessions no debts no joint credit cards.
Honestly if there's none of that you could just apply for absolute.
You've still got the financial ties tho because he could still claim on you.

Sorry. I have invited him to mediation as he wont sign a clean break.

We owned nothing together and were only married 18 months before we separated.

We do have a son but that has been sorted separately. There really is nothing to split or sort.

If he does not come to mediation I will be using my miams certificate and taking him to court as litigant in person to obtain the clean break.

I was hoping that financial mediation would show him that I have nothing to give him and he would therefor agree to the clean break. I didn't want to rock the boat by applying for the absolute myself but I'm feeling past that point now, it looks like he's not going to turn up to mediation.

My experience is that my ex messed around with mediation for over a year. Wouldn't say if he was turning up or not. Turning up once but refused to discuss things, agreed several further dates but then cancelled at the last minute.

I'd file form A and get court proceedings going. You're eventually going to get a clean break order that way, even if it takes time.

@HosannainExcelSheets

Thanks. My worry though is that I will apply and spend £255 on nothing should he suddenly decide to turn up (Probably a 5% chance) Money is so tight.

If he isin't engaging in mediation I'd go with Form A.
Mine did attend, but backtracked on what was agreed, and kept failing to bring paperwork. I filed form A so he'd be answerable to Court. Best £255 I've spent, probably!

Even through you don't own anything together do you own things separately? Houses, pensions, savings accounts?

It's not just about how long you were married, it also includes cohabitation beforehand. As you also have a DC together, then the court expects them to be adequately provided for and housed. If either of you have any assets, they could be included in the marital pot. Also without getting with a financial consent order or a financial court order, he may be able to claim some of your assets in the future.

Thanks.

As I said, there is no way I won't be settling finances.

I have bought a house but it's many years post separation, he's supported himself for that entire time, are you saying I would have to sell my home and the roof over my children's heads just so things are 'fair'?? It is my only asset I have absolutely nothing else.

@Boonlark how would my children (only one is his) be provided for and housed if I had to sell my only asset, which is my home, to give him money? It makes no sense. He has a two bed flat paid for by the council and has had it for 8 years. Our child is currently 'provided for' and 'housed'.

It depends on how long you've been in a marriage and cohabiting relationship with him. The starting point for dividing up assets is 50/50. Providing for children does take priority,but you may end up having to pay him some of the capital you have. Also, pensions, shares,savings and debts are also put into the marital pot.

I disagree @Boonlark.

Who issued the petition for divorce? You or him?

Him

@Boonlark is broadly right. Your OP said there was nothing to divide, but that's not true if you now own a house.

You have to declare all your assets during financial proceedings. Even if they are from before you met or after you split. The court will the decide what is included to be split between you and ex, and what isn't.

The needs of the children will come first, but your ex will also have his needs taken into account.

Google and do some research on non-marital assets to see what the law says and the different outcomes that are possible. It's impossible to say what the outcome would be in any given case because the court has wide discretion. But in the end, assets are stretched to meet the children's needs, then both parents' needs as far as possible.

And which jurisdiction are you in? Scotland? England & Wales? NI?

They're right. This is happening to my partner now, he's being bled dry by his ex wife. She's in the FMH, he's at his parents and literally has nothing left.