Where do I start?

[needmyducksinarow]

I want to leave my partner. We're not married. I have a DC from previous relationship and a DC with him.
He owns the house although I do pay some bills and I put more than half towards the deposit (he said I couldn't go on the mortgage and he hasn't sorted a deed of trust despite promising).
I don't think he'll pay me the deposit back and I have no legal recourse because I had to sign something to say by giving him the money for the deposit I was waiting any right to the property. He also hasn't sorted a will so if anything were to happen I wouldn't get anything anyway.

I know I've been stupid but without wanting to go too much into it I just need sensible advice on what I need to think about in preparation to leave. I'm planning to put money aside as often as possible to save up.
Is there anything you wish someone had told you?
Is there anything you know people don't often think of?
How do I do all of this without making it obvious that that's my plan? I'm not in danger I just hate being made to feel guilty for everything he does.
E.g. if I suggest a trial separation he won't to go his relatives in our bubble he tells me he'll live in the car on the drive or sleep rough to "give me my space" and doesn't see that as guilting me.
I just need advice on sorting me and the kids out so it's as smooth as possible.

It might be worth getting some brief legal advice before you do anything. Maybe at least get that piece of paper checked to be sure you really have waived your rights? I think getting some initial advice would be really sensible anyway.
He sounds a knob. Good luck.

My advice personally is to do the bandaid off quickly. Move as quickly as you can before inertia sets in. I have been stuck with stbxh for 7 months waiting to move out and i feel my while life is on hold.

Do you have anywhere to go, or the means to move out now? Do you have separate finances?

@noideawhatusernametochoose

It might be worth getting some brief legal advice before you do anything. Maybe at least get that piece of paper checked to be sure you really have waived your rights? I think getting some initial advice would be really sensible anyway. He sounds a knob. Good luck.

Thank you. I'm going to go to CAB as soon as I get some time alone to call them. I'm not sure I can afford to pay for legal advice but it might be worth it in this case because there's a lot we need to separate and sort out. I think he genuinely believes I won't up and leave and he's even admitted he treats me badly because I let him. He improves in little bits but it's not enough and I just can't live with it any more.

@SausagePourHomme

My advice personally is to do the bandaid off quickly. Move as quickly as you can before inertia sets in. I have been stuck with stbxh for 7 months waiting to move out and i feel my while life is on hold.

Do you have anywhere to go, or the means to move out now? Do you have separate finances?

Unfortunately I can't afford to rent and wouldn't be able to rip the band aid off as much as I really want to. I have no choice but to save up. I can't even afford the one flat for rent on the council site.

Is this a situation where a call to Women's Aid would be useful as well as CAB?

Separate finances yes but no means to move right now and nobody to stay with even short term.

Have you run things through entitledto?

Many family solicitors will give you a free consultation appointment for 30 minutes. Google what you have available near you.

@canidartifice

Is this a situation where a call to Women's Aid would be useful as well as CAB?

I don't necessarily think he's abusive he just always lands everything in a way that puts him in a better position. Although I understand reading what I've written he does sound controlling. I just want to be able to sort myself out and go without worrying about supporting myself and the kids. We're terrible together and I'm not up for a fight trying to separate any more.

@canidartifice

Have you run things through entitledto?

Not yet I will ASAP though thank you

@OxfordCat

Many family solicitors will give you a free consultation appointment for 30 minutes. Google what you have available near you.

Perfect thank you. I'll look into that and see what I can find.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/