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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Help/advice/reassurance Hearing for Non Mol & Occupation order - H has got barrister

7 replies

PressToChange · 27/01/2021 20:06

Hi, I’m looking for any advice really. I have applied for a non molestation and occupation order with a hearing tomorrow.
I am representing myself.
I heard my H on phone to solicitor who recommended he get a barrister.
He has access to money. I don’t.
One question is what will that barrister do, can they attack my credibility?
I ask because my H who is the abuser has said today to barrister and solicitor that I have abused him mentally, physically and emotionally for 15 years. I have not.
I am in a controlling coercive marriage. I have been assaulted (2x cautions for assault)
I have been raped. I have been intimidated. Last week I have video of my son saying his father hurt him which I took to school and a multi agency strategy meeting followed with involvement from police and social services. There was not enough evidence for the police.
Everything that H does is just on that balance of oh well could it have been an accident.
I heard him telling the solicitor and barrister that I am a functioning alcoholic drinking two bottles of wine a day. Not true. That I had an illness due to excess drinking. Not true. He told of a physical fight between me and my child which resulted in dc being pushed through a door and the door being smashed. Didn’t happen. Door was broken for a different reason not child related. He tells them that I am mentally unwell, need to get psychological help and I “have demons” I don’t and have for my own well being seem a councillor privately for 15 months.
He has had a breakdown. Is unstable - but thinks he’s fine. Doesn’t engage in regular sessions with either his psychotherapist or his psychologist.
I shouldn’t be surprised I know but I am. He is painting me as truly evil. He’s lying about everything, anything where there is a grain of truth is being twisted and manipulated. He’s painting himself as the hero, swooping in to marry this damaged girl, marrying her trying to save her. I heard him tell the solicitor that he’s just too nice. Apparently he has pictures of the content of my fridge which has alcohol in it.
I have been trying to divorce him for two years. First year gently encouraging and second year legally but I had to pause because I was terrified of what might happen. But then in Sept the children went back to school it’s been going forward as much as I can. Three older teens and a primary school child.
I’ve spoken to solicitor but I would really like your advice or support or tips if you have been through this situation. How many hearings did you have. Did your h have a barrister? Did they attack you? Anything really as I’m shocked at the way he’s playing this out and just need help.

OP posts:
noideawhatusernametochoose · 28/01/2021 14:03

I can't offer any help but did want to offer my sympathies - your H sounds a complete and utter...

I'd speak to your solicitor again, can you get legal aid at all in this situation ?

Good luck.

PressToChange · 29/01/2021 22:03

Thank you. It was awful but I got a non molestation order.

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 29/01/2021 22:12

Well done op.. Came on to say courts can see through abusive men. Mye xh portrayed himself well for 4 years. Was well worth the wait to see him fall.
Stay strong. Keep a diary and write down anything he does that he shouldn't from today. Keep him away.

PressToChange · 30/01/2021 17:36

@santaiscovidfree Thank you, I really do hope so. I can’t really see why women (speaking generally) stay in abusive relationships because this is so very hard.

OP posts:
Vickyglitz · 30/01/2021 21:02

@PressToChange congratulations on your non mol order. Can you please let me know some examples of behaviour which the court deemed serious enough to grant the order? I ask because I want one, and I've recorded all his abusive conversation:

Insulting me on the phone to his family and friends in my presence. He has these convos when he knows I'm around. Loudly. Calling me a terrible failed mother and wife. Failure. Saying he will make me suffer, saying the worst is yet to come for me. It's constant. He is always saying I can't calm my own child when she throws a tantrum. He makes fun of my skin condition.

He has stated a smear campaign against me.

I have videos recorded.

PressToChange · 31/01/2021 18:59

@vickyglitz I got advice from www.ncdv.org.uk/ and they were very helpful. From what I understand it is on the balance of harm and in civil cases this can be 51% in someone’s favour. My H has two prior convictions for assault and his behaviour had escalated to an allegation of harming my son with a police investigation. Even so it wasn’t easy as he turned up with a barrister and I felt pressured to drop it all and had to really dig deep to stand strong. Good luck

OP posts:
Boppa12 · 31/01/2023 21:35

Can I ask why occupation order was not granted?

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