Should I let my daughters father into her life?

[elizabea]

I wrote a question on here ages ago about my daughters father & the answers where really helpful- but I’ve forgotten the login details.

I met my daughters father when I was 19. I was in a bad place (dropped out of school etc) & moved to Morocco (he’s moroccan). We dated for a couple of months & he started becoming controlling (telling me what I could wear/ who I could talk to etc). I broke up with him. A few days later he saw he in the street & started following me & shouting his name. I ignored him & kept walking. He grabbed my arm & when I tried to get away he spat in my face. He then walked off & left me. He started sending me messages threatening me.
Fast forward 6 months & I was in another bad place. He started contacting me again- being really nice. After a few months we became friends again. & a few more months after that we were back in a relationship. (I really can’t emphasise enough what an awful time this was for me- I can’t believe I let him back in my life but it also shows how clever & manipulative he can be).
Anyway we were in a relationship for another 6 months & he was truly the perfect boyfriend during this time. He didn’t put a foot wrong once. He was like a completely different person.
I then decided to go back to the Uk to work for a while & the day before my flight I found out I was pregnant. I went back to the Uk anyway as I needed to work & save money.
During this time he was awful. He wanted me to get an abortion, he became very controlling again (telling me who I could talk to/ what I could wear etc) & was trying to force me into converting to Islam. It was an awful time. I understand his stress too- it’s illegal to have children out of wedlock in Morocco, his family would have gone crazy if they knew he was having a baby out of wedlock, we didn’t have any money, his job wasn’t stable (although he works very hard) & we couldn’t find anywhere to live.
Luckily at 7/8 months pregnant I came to my senses & left him.
He can’t come to the Uk to see our daughter because of visas & I refuse to ever take her to Morocco because he has to give his permission for her to leave again & I don’t even slightly trust him.
He really really wants to be in contact with our daughter. I let him video call her sometimes.
I’m just so confused in what the right thing to do is. She’s 2 now but I’ve been keeping contact to a minimum because I just don’t trust him.
I’m terrified that I’m going to do the wrong thing & my daughter will hate me for it later in life.
I love being a mum so much. It has healed me in so many ways. I love my daughter so much. We have an incredible relationship. I feel so lucky every day.
I just want to do what’s best for her. If him having a relationship with her is the right thing, I will put my feelings & experiences aside. No one in my family will give me their opinion because they say I have to decide myself.

What is the right thing to do for my daughter?

I'm sorry you are through this. To be honest he seems like a nasty piece of work and you have had a lucky escape.
For the sake of yourself and your daughter, stay away from this man. When she gets older, your daughter will understand that you were only trying to protect her.

Block him.
He tried to control you, imagine what his words would do to a child!

I don't have advice but I'm in a similar situation: I have a 2 year old girl who has no contact with her father (although I think he wants to). Her father lives in another country, I was living there too but had to leave due to domestic violence.

I don't know what the right thing is to do either to be honest, people can say that she will understand when she's older, but I don't know that's true, maybe she will, maybe she won't.

Block him and stay away from him.
Does he know your address , where she goes to nursery or anything where he could find you both ?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

^

This x 1 zillion times.

Be really careful about your dd passport. If she doesn't have one, he might organize one.
Back when my dd was little, I recall that part of the application was both parents giving written permission for child to travel with other parent. All fine when parents are together but really worrying when split up. There was also an option to refuse permission.
I have seen too many documentaries about kidnapped children being held abroad to dismiss concerns.
Laws change, visa conditions change, he might marry a British woman and move to UK. Google how to protect dd passport.
Keep being wary. You know what he is truly like. That is how he treats females.

I would fear he would treat her the way he treated you at his worse. And I’d keep her away. One day you can tell her why you did it.

I'd probably find out the law and my position ie if I take her there, he can legally keep her there, and I'd never compromise my childs safety based on what I found out.

And then I'd allow birthday cards, money, some contact. I'd reason that she deserves to know him, but needs to be kept safe from him too. It would be a constant worry i expect but when she becomes a teenager, she can start to take the lead.

But it's got to safe and under British law.

Stay away, block, keep your daughter away, do not give it headspace, take pp advice about passport.

His view of women as second-class citizens that do men's bidding is plain for all to see. The flick-of-the-switch personality change will make itself apparent if, as an adult, she ever decides to get in touch with him. He'll be dripping charm at first, then when she's lured in, he'll proceed to treat her like shit and control her every move.