My Decree in Nisi arrived today

[Magicpaint]

I dont really know how I feel. Lost. Empty. Like theres nowhere to go. I have a 3 yr old DD. We are living in the marital home until it is sold. Im actively looking for work since being made redundant but with no friends or family to help plus lockdown it is becoming harder and harder. Soon i wont have a home, a job or someone to love me. My ex has cleared off with new partner, 3 bed house brand new job. My life has come crashing down. Just need someone out there to give me some advice, a handhold anything....

I'm sorry to hear this. I was in a similar position in 2017 and can honestly say it does get better. I know right now that's not helpful, but in a few years time you will look back and be so proud of yourself. You will get through it.
Hold your head high... handhold here

Have you got child maintenance sorted (and maybe spousal?).
Have you got financial arrangements in place?
Is the mortgage currently being covered?
Have you applied for all the benefits you are entitled too, sorted single person discount on the council tax?

You don't have to feel anything, but whatever you do feel is valid.

My marriage was long gone by the time we sorted the divorce - several years down the line and we were both living with new partners - but I still felt a bit sad about it, and empty.

Don't focus on what your ex has and you don't, just focus on moving forward with your life.

I hope things start to turn around for you.

He refuses to pay any of the mortgage. He says he cant afford it.
He does pay child maintence but discovered through CMS not as much as he should be due to him not informing them of his income.
The finances are going to court soon. But what if the judge just sees me as someone who has done nothing since i was made redundant? So many people are looking for work now its hard. He took the computer so i have been applhing for jobs via my old phone. Its impossible. Ive managed to get reduced payments with regards to the mortgage. But i am struggerling. DD really needs to go back to nursery but then theres covid. What if the judge can see my ex is more stable home wise and can provide better than I can right now? Even though it is agreed our DD is with me? He only sees her once a month.

Who has not done anythingsorry not nothing.

The judge will completely understand the job market. So he has taken the computer? Despite you needing it to apply for work? He really is an arse isn't he?

If he only sees DD once a month a judge isn't going to award residence. Does he want her more?

I hope things start to turn around soon.

Im not really sure if he wants her more or not. I offered to share 50/50 over the christmas period so he could see her. He agreed then changed his mind. I dont know if his new girlfriend has met her either i dont think she has as she hasnt come home and mentioned her.

I think he is trying to ruin me financially so I just hand her over to him because he can provide more.
He told me this is what he would do when he left.

Give what you've just said he doesn't want her more though (based on his actions), I don't think that's something you have to worry about.

When my ex and I split he had our boys 2 nights every week, from the day he left. He made sure he found somewhere to live which accommodated this.
If he'd have later gone for residence this would have stood him in good stead, your ex sees your DD once a month, thats nothing.

I think its more of the case his girlfriend stays somewhere else when he has DD the one weekend a month. Christmas day she had nowhere to go so he cancelled it. DD will meet her im sure once everything is finalized.

Start keeping a record of when he has her (messages screenshot etc)
The judge won't actually care about you or your ex. They will care that your child's needs are taken care of. A fair split of assets to ensure this. Doesn't mean 50/50.
You need a laptop/computer. Or rather your daughter needs you to get one so you can apply for jobs.
Message and ask him if you can have it for a month or so. Keep record if he gives you arsey response. How much was it. Can you list is as a chattel? Can you put a fb plea out to friends and family for help with this?
My ex took the vacuum cleaner and the coffee machine. It does pull the rug from under your feet I know.
Judge is going to want to see that you're looking for a job, engaging with job seeking etc. Which you are!
I promise you there'll come a day when you think "I've got this" .

@PicaK Thank you so much. I have purchased a refurbished laptop today so I can start looking properly. I have been on a course as well since we split. This is the main thing for me now to get a job and get back on my feet