What are the first steps

[bendanana]

We live in a mortgaged house and have about 150k equity. Mortgage repayments are low (much lower than rent in the area. My husband is on a low unstable income of around 20k and I have a stable income of around 20k.

2 young children and I don't think either could buy the other out.

Husband does not want to split - it is 100% me initiating it. Husband would likely struggle to find housing so to me feels like it would make sense for him to stay in the house as I think he could manage the mortgage repayments. I also think it would keep things more amicable. If we sold this house neither of us could afford to buy another home.

I just can't think straight. Can I move out and go into rented and he stay in the house but keep myself on the mortgage? If so, could I get help with housing costs? Rent is more than double my mortgage. Or do I take my name off the mortgage? I have savings enough to cover rent for about 6 months so could use this to rent for a few months whilst I get a plan together?

What are the steps needed to rent a house? I want to tell him and then not have months of messing around sorting housing. Also- I feel like this will seem like abandonment of my kids as I would leave the family home. But I would want them with me half the time.

So many considerations but the practical ones cloud everything for me. I haven't spoken to anybody in real life I feel so stuck.

I bought my husband out, I didn’t have any money, but remortgaged the house to pay for it. This could be an option. I would start with a discussion with the bank about whether you or your husband could cover the mortgage alone. Then go from there. I was on a little more than 20k but had no equity in the house and debt, and managed to remortgage as sole owner. It’s definitely a starting point, and would free some equity up for the one who moves out to get a mortgage also if they wanted

I did consider keeping my name in the mortgage as my soon to be ex husband is also on a low income. But after speaking to mortgage advisor and researching, decided it wasn't wise. It will make it difficult for you to get a second mortgage and it means you will be tied up financially - you would end up with two mortgages in your name, assuming banks would lend (second mortgage might come up higher interest rates) and be liable for the payments on both should your husband be unable to pay.

I am also feeling awful about leaving the family home and the fact that my husband will be named primary carer makes me feel awful as a mum but my plan is to move to a small flat down the road and have my son half the time with me.

I know it can feel very overwhelming - been there at the initial stages and still do now sometimes, but do your research, speak to a solicitor and don't rush into any financial arrangements. Things do change and I think it is best to have a clean financial break as part of the divorce. We are still in the process but this is my experience so far. Hope it helps x

Thank you both. I will make some calls this week and see what I can find out. Weekends are hard.

I just want to finish in a situation where we both live somewhere where the kids will feel is theirs. I kind of feel like if he stays in our current home then they will always feel at home with him and then when they're with me I feel confident wherever we are it will be home for them.

If I buy him out I can't really see what he could do with the money as it wouldn't be enough to buy anything else. Same applies to me but I feel like i have more skills and resilience to make it work.

Thanks for the advice, I will update when I know more.

@lorancina did you just remove your name and walk away or was your husband able to buy you out?

We are still living together but financial information has just been sent off to solicitors to be sent to court as husband is applying for a financial order as part of the divorce.

Our agreement is that he will buy me out and I will then use the money to buy a small flat nearby. I'm not leaving until this is done otherwise I can't buy a new place and I didn't want to rent 😕