Is he being selfish or am I? Divorce settlement. [hmm]

[CryingHelps]

Been separated 4 yrs (married 17) - continued living together for nearly 2 of those. He moved abroad. Pays half mortgage (quite small) and child maintenance (quite low). See's DS twice a year (pre-covid), doesn't buy birthday/xmas present or help with anything else.

I've been on UC since he left. I get by. I would love to move on although could easily stay in the matrimonial home if it wasn't for STBEx staying here on his visits back. Last visit was 5 mths long!
I am fully prepared to get a job (although p/t due to childcare) and hopefully could manage a small mortgage.
Here's the thing! I proposed a settlement giving me 60/40. He doesn't agree. With the extra deposit I paid, I'm only asking £5K extra (based on the original 50/50 starting point). He doesn't dispute the extra deposit, wasn't ringfenced but have it in writing from the house purchase solicitor's.

He's now saying he paid 60/40 (him paying higher) into our joint account for mortgage and bills during half of our marriage. I used my own savings and redundancy money to keep my end of the deal up during the time I had our DS.
I feel I need the extra money as will need 2 bedrooms. He has no intention of coming back to the UK. I think I'm being really fair. He doesn't. But am I?
Sorry it's so long, didn't want to drip feed.

I would have thought he's the one not being fair. Can you get legal advice?
You need to house child and him paying X amount into house during marriage not relevant as you were having baby/looking after ds.

You need legal advice. The starting point is unlikely to be 50:50 given that you have to house yourself and your mutual child, your past and future earning potential is reduced as a result of looking after said child.

He is going to be in for a shock.

Definitely see a lawyer over this. Don't try to negotiate with your enemy.

Thank you. I didn't think I was being selfish but he's making me out to be. It's like our DS doesn't exist. On behalf of my DS, it hurts. He's always just paid 'lip service' to being a Dad, one of the reasons we split. He couldn't cope with the ASD.
I've never in my life been unfair or grabby and if it wasn't for our DS, I'd just disappear into history.
I have to fight him don't I, for our DS?

The child of the marriage needs to houses whether he likes it or not. As you are the primary carer then more than 50% is pretty usual.

What about pensions? Both of your pensions need to go into the marital asset pot as well!

@RandomMess - He's already taken early private pension, it was low anyway and equalled my own - we'd already agreed to ignore those. He's living in an EU country but the £ goes 4x further. Even if he did want to come back to the UK, what he would get from my proposed split is just enough to buy a flat outright in our area. He's still got 9 yrs left for state pension. I've checked the Gov website and I'm entitled to full pension, so not worried there.