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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Bedrooms - will judge say no to sharing?

19 replies

cuppateamum · 14/01/2021 11:32

Sorry, me again!

STBXH and I have almost agreed I could take larger chunk of equity from house to buy a house nearby.

It would have to be a 3 bed, no way can afford 4, especially within the catchment of the secondary the kids are due to go to (we agree we really want them to go to - the other schools are really bad).

Kids are 17 (almost 18) male, 10 yo girl, 8 yo boy. Teenager is yr one of A'levels and plans on uni so would likely be living with us full time for 1-2 years at most.

We thought younger ones could share short term (would get room dividers and ensure privacy), but would be prepared for the boys to share or 8 year old(m) to share with me. All sharing would only be till teen flys the nest!

Solicitor I've spoken to (not yet appointed) has said that the court is very likely to say 3 bed house is not acceptable.

I can't see a decent option for getting 4 bed. I don't want charge on property if at all poss as STBHX is narcissistic controller. Renting would be catastrophic - if I fall off the property ladder I will never be able to get back on and I have zero pension, very low wages.

Any experience of this or thoughts on whether judge is likely to reject this?

OP posts:
titchy · 14/01/2021 11:37

No experience at all, but why on earth would a judge think two same-sex siblings sharing a room was unacceptable? Confused

ShinyGreenElephant · 14/01/2021 11:41

I have to say a 10yo girl and an 8yo boy sharing doesnt sound doable for 1-2 years even with room dividers, but the boys sharing should be fine. Cant see how a judge can refuse you buying a 3 bed house?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 14/01/2021 11:44

Boys sharing would be fine but a 10yo girl about to start puberty and an 8yo boy might not be the best solution.

If it's possible it might be a good idea to carve out a space elsewhere for either the 18yo boy to study or the 8yo boy to have a games console/toys so they have their own spaces when they need them.

Daydrambeliever · 14/01/2021 11:49

Not at all. Non resident parents get overnight contact all the time with homes that do not provide a bedroom for each inhabitant. If it really is short term and you are really concerned about how it will be perceived in court could your sitting room double up as your sleeping area with a sofa bed. Younger kids can share a wardrobe in one bed and your clothes etc stored in the other so you would literally just be sleeping in the living room??

I do think it's a non issue though. I know it's not ideal for your 18year old but as long as he is given plenty of quiet time in the shared bedroom for studying then it really shouldn't be a problem.

StephenBelafonte · 14/01/2021 12:10

I think you've misunderstood. There is no reason on earth why your two sons can't share a bedroom.

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/01/2021 12:15

I would put the boys together..

fedupandfiredup · 14/01/2021 12:19

The solicitor is maybe thinking along the lines of ...you are entitled to more of a share of the equity that ex husband as you have the three children to house. Naturally, you are thinking much more practically around what you can afford in a suitable area. Are you working on an assumption that you take more than 50% share of the equity? Because you should be x

StephenBelafonte · 14/01/2021 12:19

the judge won't even ask what the sleeping arrangement are

fedupandfiredup · 14/01/2021 12:20

Sorry, just realised you said you're taking a larger chunk. How much larger in percentage terms? Xx

Whiskysoda · 14/01/2021 12:41

Would you consider putting the two boys into the larger room together, just until the elder goes away to university?

Original poster
cuppateamum · 14/01/2021 13:57

The solicitor is maybe thinking along the lines of ...you are entitled to more of a share of the equity that ex husband as you have the three children to house.

Yes I think partly she was thinking along those lines - he has 2 businesses so it's not immediately clear how his assets will add up. We're looking at something like 75/25 split in terms of equity, he's broadly speaking ok with that (I hold shares in his companies - I guess potential future earning/value there. Am not bothered if he's successful in future as long as he pays a reasonable amount of maintenance! So he's keen to ensure I sign shares over... am happy to do so once agreement reached.)

I suppose I automatically thought of putting the two younger ones together as they're only 20 months apart and great friends. But I'm thinking of now, and not of the future, 100% get the puberty/privacy thing. (Feeling like I can only see a few months ahead right now!)

Teen and younger boy have both said they'd share... I don't think teen will like it much but it's a move from village-town for him - he'll have mates close by and will probably spend a lot more time out n about.

Kids and I are ok with whatever bedroom plan we have to go with, just baulking at the idea of getting so far down the line with what seems like a decent plan, only to have it refused!

Much reassured by replies though, Thank you SmileFlowers

OP posts:
Boonlark · 14/01/2021 21:01

Have you also included the value of pensions in your settlement? It may be they you should have more equity because of the combined value of thr businesses and pensions. Remember that his businesses are marital assets as well.

Original poster
cuppateamum · 14/01/2021 21:28

@Boonlark, I have zero pension, and I think he has very little... We were both freelance creatives for years so never had the cash/got round to it.

Re: His businesses, he is currently talking about closing them and opening others as he has become so paranoid that I won't sign the shares over to him... not sure what that will change?

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 14/01/2021 21:31

Cafcass visit stated they expected dc to have own beds but def not own room. And I had 4 boys sharing a big room. Wasn't an issue at all.

RandomMess · 14/01/2021 21:37

He he pays himself via dividends you are unlikely to get much maintenance via CMS.

Boonlark · 14/01/2021 21:37

If he closes them, that would look bad to a judge as it's intentional deprivation of income and assets. You might want to let him know that.

In fact, has he put that in writing to you?

Original poster
cuppateamum · 15/01/2021 08:43

@Boonlark

If he closes them, that would look bad to a judge as it's intentional deprivation of income and assets. You might want to let him know that.

In fact, has he put that in writing to you?

@Boonlark, I thought that might be the case. He hasn't put anything in writing... unless maybe in a text message somewhere, I'll have a check.

@RandomMess, I suspected that... but there's not much I can do about it, he's set up the businesses for exactly that reason (eg avoid income as wages and tax). Hence I want to come out of this with a house that's in my name but with very little mortgage - at least that way I have minimised my outgoings for years ahead. I don't know how they'd (solicitors/court) work it out? His main business is relatively new, only actively trading for a few months, so the businesses future income is far from certain.

OP posts:
Grooticle · 15/01/2021 09:00

It’s very easy for people who run their own businesses to manipulate things so they pay v little maintenance. You’re right to be concerned about that. Making sure you have a house in your name is a smart move. If asked by the judge, you could explain that for now your two youngest would like to share a room, but you’re aware that won’t work for long, so as soon as needed you’ll move 8yr old DS to his brother’s room. By then your eldest may have gone off to uni anyway in which case he’ll still need a bed in the holidays but won’t be around so much/needing space and quiet to study.

It’s important to be clear that you’re making all choices in your children’s best interests - so make clear that your children want to stay near their friends and in catchment for that school, and you are finding a way to make that work,

fedupandfiredup · 15/01/2021 09:11

I think what you are suggesting is very sensible under the circumstances. If you haven't instructed the solicitor yet, maybe shop around and use another one who's on your page? Or think about doing it on your own and saving legal fees? I did it on my own in the end as it was much easier xx

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