Child maintenance payments

[ncailleach]

I live outside the UK and split with exh many years ago. Maintenance payments were always minimal as we had a long-winded (think 8 years) and complicated divorce after exh chose to leave and when it looked like ending up in the high Court, I compromised and accepted alot less than I won in the Circuit court (which he appealed).. Fast forward to now and my dd is doing the equivalent of her a levels and wants to go to college. I also have 2 step kids and I realise how short changed she is by the lack of financial support from her dad. She has a legal right here to financial support until she is 23 if in further education but there is no cms to help plan this. Where do I start in working out her entitlement from exh? He has set up mediation as he got a bee in his bonnet about her choosing to not stay at his house (they were arguing alot, wouldn't get in food she likes or let her wash her clothes so she chose to stop going). She agrees that I have never stopped her from going there but he is now claiming parental alienation. Anyway, mediation seems like a good time to push for maintenance for her. She does have a UK passport and an interest in degree level courses in the UK when she finishes school (2022), and the mediator wants to know what I am looking for.. Weekly maintenance, lump sum etc. Exh will not engage at all with me over any talk of maintenance for her and we have our 1st mediated session soon so I want to be alot more confident in what I am actually saying to them and what is appropriate for him to pay.

My understanding is that has your dd is 17/18 she is old enough to organise and see nrp as she wishes. You have no need to be involved.

From a CMS point of view. This is payable whilst a child is in further education. So poss up to the age of 19.

Once the child goes to higher education. Then money is agreed directly with the nrp and the child. This is not legally binding. Unless documented in court order.

As for what would be reasonable is that an amount is agreed to support her through university. Just as a rp would. And paid to her directly.

Exh has involved me in his issues with access by claiming parental alienation and requesting mediation on this, which is now moving forward with the official mediation board. He refuses to help financially with dd and pays nothing to his older children who did not go on to third level education. I am hoping to use the mediation opportunity to set something up financially for dd. Her older siblings are very bitter about the lack of support from their father and I feel guilty for not pushing him more for their sakes and I'm hoping to get a more beneficial set up for dd (our youngest). I am not in the UK and the law here is maintenance is paid until the age of 23 when in further education. We have our 1st joint online mediation session soon and the mediator has told me to work out what I am asking for financially ie lump sum, €€ weekly payment. He has been paying a very insignificant amount until now and refuses to discuss finances or the kids expenses with me, so I am unsure of how to make sure she starts getting a reasonable amount in the future. Until this last year he did support her in an expensive hobby but that is no longer happening. What is a reasonable amount to support her through college? She is currently hoping to go to the UK to study, mid England area, probably a 3 year course.

This all sounds quite complicated. Have you spoken to a solicitor? In the UK, mediation typically takes place "in the shadow of the law", i.e. participants often take legal advice to get a sense about what would be a reasonable agreement.

How long had she been living with him and did you pay maintenance to him when she did?

If she moves to the UK for studies wouldn't it be an arrangement between him and her just like she'd have with you since she won't officially be living with you then?

Have you confirmed the jurisdiction of where any maintenance payments would fall under? I think you need to legally confirm this and then consider what you want from there.

Yes, all a bit confusing. She has never lived with him and hasn't kept to agreed access for the last 5 years. Up until now he always insisted that the kids should choose what they want to do and the problem when they were younger was getting him to stick to the access arrangement. The mediator seems bemused as to why he is insisting on mediation for access with a 17 year old. Dd is back staying with him on alternate weekends 'because he will get mad' otherwise. He is refusing to engage with me over money at all, and according to dd has told her some rubbish that part of the divorce 8 years ago was that he would never have to pay for anything . I think he's lost the plot to be honest, maybe a midlife crisis over our youngest growing up?! Had a good talk with dp and decided to not worry too much about the future, we've managed pretty well so far without mad exhs money and as long as dd is happy that's the main thing

Just to add that exh left when she was 2 months old and dp has been around for the last 12 years so we really have managed fine without exh. Just sad that exh keeps letting his kids down.