Controlling STBXH suggesting charge on future property?? And shares in his companies?

[cuppateamum]

Am just about to appoint solicitor and start process tomorrow.

STBXH is a narcissist who has controlled money and many things for years.

Two questions -

He's set up 2 companies in the last couple of years. He made me a shareholder of both in order to pay less tax - I don't fully understand this but I think he planned on paying me dividends (then taking the money, or at least putting it into the family 'pot'. He didn't ask me if this was ok to make me a shareholder or even tell me he was doing this, just told me once he'd done it!)

He's suddenly panicking and insisting I sign the shares over to him.

I don't want to be a cow but I don't want to be a mug either, he's made me a part of these businesses and if that might affect the settlement I need to remain a part of them (not sure if he can get my share off me some other way). I suspect he's realised this may affect the settlement so is now panicking.

At the same time he's suddenly insisting that he buy a house, I own it, or most of it, but he puts a charge on the property. So that if I sell it, or re-marry or co-habit he gets a pay out.

I see this as a way of a) maintaining links I don't want and b) keeping control and a way of justifying prying into what I'm up to in future.

Not sure if it matters but we have 2 kids together (8&10), I have one teenager with previous partner. They will live with me, he wants to live miles away. We have to sell family home as I can't afford it alone (very low earnings). I've asked to take as much equity as I need to be able to buy a cheap place. I will only be able to get a tiny mortgage so will need the vast majority of the equity. Hence his suggestion of a charge on my next property.

Sorry for the essay - any insight much appreciated!

I would suggest doing and signing nothing until you have legal advice. It does look like he is still trying to control you and your actions. he could also be trying to hide\move money through his companies. You could also try women's aid as they also have good advice 're abuse and control, good luck

Do nothing sign nothing get a solicitor ASAP and if you can any pictures of his books and accounts as they stand today plus details of your shares etc

As PP said sign & agree to NOTHING without legal advice!
What he’s suggesting sounds dodgy to me.
Good luck.

Thanks everyone. Advice heeded! I've had a preliminary chat with a solicitor this morning who said DO NOT SIGN and another one to talk to tomorrow.

Any advice on how to choose a solicitor? Solicitor I spoke to today is cheaper, only a couple of years experience, but I liked him and he gave a lot of helpful insight (zero charge). Tomorrow's is more expensive, but more experience and with a firm I've used, they were efficient and good. She's a member of Resolution so I think may recommend mediation (today's guy said we could try this but not likely to succeed given his controlling nature - I think he's probably right but am up for trying things that potentially save legal bills!).

Sorry, kinda new topic I guess but any thoughts welcome! TIA :-)

Mediation is always the preferred go to but it might not work given his history however it will give you a good idea if its going to be a massive fight to the death or if he will be reasonable

Also if he is willing to buy you a house and put a cohabitation clause on it make sure it has an expiry limit and a depreciation clause ie 25% of the purchase cost or lower if the market has dropped that way your not unfairly penalised if you upgrade your home it should also be written in that you can buy him out of his share at any time again purchase price or less

As pp have said do not sign anything until you see the solicitor.

If he is a controlling narcissist as you say, then the fewer ties to him, the happier the rest of your life will be. He'll try to keep finding ways to control you.

Thank you everyone :-)

I've spoken to two solicitors now, new confusion about which to go with - one I really liked, he was helpful, gave specific insight but it younger and less experienced. The other is with a more traditional firm, I couldn't really 'gel' with her at all. I paid to have an hour's discussion with her but she shopkeepers to me very generally and wouldn't really give me any advice directly relating to my situation.

Also considering doing the actual divorce myself (to save £) and paying solicitor only for the finance side.

Am going to sleep on it and proceed after the weekend. I can't bloody wait to get that form filled in and sent!

The businesses will be considered marital assets, especially as you're a shareholder. They need to be valued, and it sounds like he's suddenly realised that you might find that out

You don't say entrust you have children together. The steering point for dividing up things if it's been more than a short relationship, is 50/50. The marital pot includes the businesses he's started, business assets, shares, pensions, houses, savings (unless from inheritance that have been kept separate from shared funds during the marriage).

If you have children, then the priority is to house them adequately first.