Cafcass query

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi all

Couldnt decide where to post this - happy for post to be moved if needed.

Exh & I are going to court re child arrangements. Im told the process is cafcass then court. Ive got a telephone appt on 25th with cafcass. Can anyone tell me what to expect from the call so i can prepare please?
Thank you

I had mine in early December and it just feels like an informal chat really. They just ask you about any concerns you have with the other parent, who predominatly does the childcare for the child or children. Just make sure to be honest about it, their priority is the child.

So ensure when you're talking about your ex partner, you're not making it personal based on your own relationship, but that it's relevant to the relationship your ex has with your child. They will then put this into a report which you should see before your first hearing.

I hope that helps.

Thank you, thats good to know.
I left exh as he was verbally & emotionally abusive to me. Hes also a controlling bully, ive since completed freedom programe.
Do i tell them this? I dont want to cause problems & never wanted to go to court.

Yes make sure you tell them but be clear by listing his behaviour rather than making a judgement about his personality. So give them examples of what he has said / done rather than tell them he is controlling. Everything I shared with Cafcass ended up in front of a judge and a Section 7 was ordered which was very damming towards my ex who is also a controlling narc bully.

@Stealthynamechange Yes I agree with @Lorry123. It's definitely worth stating as it describes the type of character he is. If they find something troubling they will recommend a section 7 report within their report and the judge will at the hearing, for CAFCASS to further investigate.

Thanks both.
Should i tell them i did freedom programme? Im scared of him finding out & im guessing they wont be interested in why we broke up.
There are a few things which have happend since we separated i can tell them.

Correct they don’t really care what happened between the pair of you and why you split up but they do need to know if his behaviour is impacting a) the Dcs or b) your ability to effectively parent the Dcs. With me there was a lot of focus on how he was speaking to me via emails/texts (he called me names, harrassed, controlled in his written comms) which meant that I was constantly stressed and upset which was impacting the kids

Thank you, that is really helpful.
Im really anxious about talking to them & this whole process.

A big part of the call will be screening for safeguarding concerns. So your experience is very relevant, particularly because you have sought out help and evidence that you reported this at the time. Sadly not everyone does.

I have never reported anything to police or social services.

The freedom programme has given me strength i never thought i had & has got me this far. As an aside I would highly recomend it.

This is an amazingly helpful thread. Thanks for starting it, OP, and thanks to @Lorry123 and others for v helpful info.

I'm in a similar situation to you OP (from the little you've described) but I think you're a few months ahead of me.

May I ask if you'd mind keeping us updated and share your experience (as much as you feel comfortable) for me/others to learn from? Would be v grateful!

Sending you strength and virtual support  for the process ahead

These disappeared: this was the strength and virtual support:

@DecorativeParticle thank you so much for the strength & virtual support. I'm really sorry to hear you are in a similar position. I'm absolutely rubbish at remembering to update my threads, so if i forget & you would like to chat please dm me. Sending you loads of strength back too. 🍷💪💪

Cafcass haven't always got a great reputation. Ime definitely not so. Their report should be impartial and on the side of the dc. When your report is done make sure you go through it with a highlighter. Bring anything that isn't correct to the attention of your solicitor for them to bring up..
Bite your tongue about personal feelings towards your ex. Being factual should include your doing the Freedom Programme.

Thank you, that is really helpful. Im going to make a timeline, will include completion of freedom programme in that. I really don't want the situation to escalate.

This is really helpful for me.
DB is going through a similar process with STBEW; however she is an abusive alcoholic (which CAFCASS is aware of).

However he is so worried and frustrated as he doesn't beleive they understand the severity of her behaviour. Long story but she is still drinking heavily throughout the day and the DC are at risk.
Since he last had a very cursory interview with CAFCASS before Xmas the situation has escalated enormously and they just don't seem interested impossible even to speak directly to the case worker.

Would his solicitor have any clout? What can he do to ensure CAFCASS are alerted to and understand the ongoing risks?

Sorry to hijack, it just seems they don't give a shit

Has your db contacted ss?

Remember this is not about you op. It’s about what’s best for your child. Your posts are all about you. And very little about what your child needs, the relationship with the other parent, how they parent etc.

Yes you can make a list, talk about the abuse, the freedom program etc, but really you need to focus on your child at some point. 💐

@Santaiscovidfree

Has your db contacted ss?

Yes but they just refer him back to CAFCASS

If the dc are very young I would ask the police to do a welfare check. They can refer to ss if they find anything to worry about.

Please be reassured i am very focused on my child. This is why I'm asking for guidance so I am fully prepared & ensure the best outcome for ds.

Brightertimes123 really sorry to hear all of that, sounds a terrible situation. No words of wisdom i'm afraid but sending strength your way.