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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Ex copied in on all my emails to school?

24 replies

Souvlaki · 04/01/2021 17:17

Can my STBXH really demand that he is copied into all my emails with the school? My kids have autism and I have to communicate regularly and often quite personally with the school.

OP posts:

frazzledasarock · 04/01/2021 17:20

I never had to.

He was told he could contact school directly for any school reports or important dates. He never did once he realised I didn’t have to race around providing him with anything.

Unless there’s a court order explicitly stating you need to. I wouldn’t bother.

Lulu1919 · 04/01/2021 17:23

At the school I work in we send all emails to both parents if they are not together.
Not sure legally how it works the other way .
Is there a reason you don't want him to be CCed in ?

SendHelp30 · 04/01/2021 17:24

If he is there dad then why wouldn’t he be?

saffire · 04/01/2021 17:31

Would this break GDPR rules as you might not want him having your email address?

RandomMess · 04/01/2021 17:33

Nope he's just bullying you again.

The school needs to keep him informed of important/significant things, that doesn't include you conversing with the school!

C0NNIE · 04/01/2021 17:37

He can demand all he wants but you don’t have to to it.

Tweetabix · 04/01/2021 18:14

I CC'd my ex into all my emails to school (and there are a lot as my DS has special needs) - until recently when it was clear that he didn't read them (or wasn't that interested in them).

School never CC him into anything (I guess because I have never specifically asked them to).

blackcurrantjam · 04/01/2021 19:20

Nope

Anotheruser02 · 04/01/2021 19:29

Did he ask you to show him your communications when he was your husband?

Coseynightin · 04/01/2021 19:30

Why wouldn't you want your Ex to know what you are sending?

Smacks of power and control to me. If the mail is about your son wouldn't you want your ex to know?

Cyw2018 · 04/01/2021 19:33

Would you want to see any correspondence, regarding your child, between your ex and the school?

If the answer you that is 'yes', then your ex has a right to be cc'd into your correspondence too.

joecormac · 04/01/2021 22:39

Solicitor here - no you do not have to copy him in to your emails to school.

june2007 · 04/01/2021 23:54

School should inform him of their plans, they do not have to include all of your communications. But It doesn,t smack of control to me, it smacks of Dad who wants to be involved and not shut out.

Longdistance · 05/01/2021 00:02

I work in a school. If the parents are no longer together and one of the parents messages me, they are the only ones to get a reply back. If a parent cc’s the other parent, I will reply to both.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 05/01/2021 00:09

If the answer you that is 'yes', then your ex has a right to be cc'd into your correspondence too.

Unless a court has ordered it then no, he does not have a “right” to be CC’d into OPs private correspondence.

june2007 · 05/01/2021 00:12

But no one mentioned court orders, he has presumably at the mo save parental rights.

Starseeking · 05/01/2021 00:20

It depends on whether he is genuinely asking so he is informed, or actually just to control you.

My DD3 has an ASD diagnosis, and I copy DH into all correspondence with her school and specialists. Granted he doesn't read every single one, but he generally takes note.

If you can, think about from the perspective of you both being aware of how best you can support your DC working together with the school.

If he's never been assed or interested before he was STBEXDH, I'd say don't bother!

YouBoughtMeAWall · 05/01/2021 00:22

@june2007

But no one mentioned court orders, he has presumably at the mo save parental rights.

I mentioned court orders. A PP declared he has “the right”. He doesn’t. No such right exists unless ordered by a court. I’ve no idea what you mean by “mo save”.

EgonSpengler2020 · 05/01/2021 06:53

@YouBoughtMeAWall

If the answer you that is 'yes', then your ex has a right to be cc'd into your correspondence too.

Unless a court has ordered it then no, he does not have a “right” to be CC’d into OPs private correspondence.

Ok, I'm rephrase then....

If op would expect it herself then her ex morally deserves it in return. Assuming that she does not want to be the arsehole in this situation.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 05/01/2021 12:36

Namechange fail?

june2007 · 05/01/2021 19:41

"Mo save" = typing error it should be "at the mo, has...." Not sure why has was save.

Palaver1 · 08/01/2021 05:56

No you don’t have to

Original poster

Souvlaki · 09/01/2021 18:42

It’s not about power on my part. I’m very happy to him where relevant. If something relating to the school
Meeting my sons needs or not
Or about his behaviour then fine but sometimes there might be more personal, casual emails about things l at home etc which I don’t wish him to always see as it feels intrusive and would mean I had to write them with his reading them in mind.

OP posts:

RoseMartha · 09/01/2021 19:00

My ex demanded this. I did it a few times. Then during the first lockdown I had to email a lot about minor issues with the schoolwork and at this point stopped bothering.They never did the schoolwork at his anyway. He doesnt even bother looking at the homework app.

I will copy him in if I feel it is very important.

When the ehcp was due this year. I asked him if he wanted to add anything to parent views. Was open as to what I put in and shared with him. Then I emailed it to school without copying him in.

He does however feel it is very important he attends parent evenings with me and make himself known to all the teachers etc.

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