Scared to finally leave

[tillux]

DH and I have 2 kids, 3 in total, my eldest from previous relationship.

For the last year/18months our relationship seems like an uphill battle, okay for a few days/weeks/ month then goes up shit creek again. I'm tired of it and feel so deflated. We argue about most things. He doesn't pull his weight enough in the home apart from when we have a big row over it, then he will for a while. We argue over his family, some may have seen a post from me previously about MIL, I'm just at my wits end and I feel like there is no saving us,.. I feel like we've pushed at each other for to long without seeking help that it's now beyond repair. The most recent thing being a massive row over his mum, who I feel like is a big factor in this, and she's not exactly going away is she so am I always going to be feeling like this or arguing with him over her?we have always argued about her and it's just getting more frequent.

He left tonight after claiming he doesn't care anymore and he's past it all, and I feel the exact same. But when I think of life just me and the kids, it scares the living daylights out of me, I have no family to help me, little friends. Luckily I wouldn't need to move out as my parents own our home, but still they cant help with childcare and aren't great emotional helpers. ( they care and love me and kids but just not very emotional natured people)

I'm so scared because I'm only 28 with a 8 yr old, 3 yr old and 13 week old baby. I just feel like I've failed at life. I don't want to be on my own but I equally don't want to feel the way I feel all the time when I'm with him.... 😫 no idea what I'm even looking to get from this post. 😫

Hi, sorry you're in this situation. My situation is not exactly the same but there are similar elements, so I wanted to give you a virtual hug. I'm emotionally exhausted from years of unhappiness, and one day I realised that life doesn't have to be like this. Can you imagine living this way for another 1/5/10 years? You deserve to be happy, and your kids deserve a happy mum.
Try not to focus on whether you'll be on your own, rather focus on making a decision that will lead to a better life for you and your DC. In terms of practical help, I don't know what's available to you in your area - after school clubs, parents from school who could drop DC off, extra nursery hours etc. I would try to get all the help you can.

Stay strong :)

You deserve so much more.
I'm in the same position and a lot of what you wrote mirrors what I'm going through although me and the kids live in his house. You say you have a few friends. I don't have any.
Please message me if you want to talk about it.

Youre not alone in how you feel. Im due my second any day with an older son too. Shit scared of going it alone, but I've been doing it since June somehow and we are fine. I still cry a lot, have pangs of The Fear and I feel the failing at life part too. We won't feel like this is a year, or further. Being a single parent must be better than the alternative of being trapped in a shit marriage. Sending love, its hard but you can do it. X

Your not alone. I have recently left my partner, took alot of guts to do it as I was living with him but luckily still had my own house. We had our DD 4 days before lockdown. He did nothing with her, would rather go biking and getting high than be a father. When she was 10 weeks old I caught him dirty talking with girls online. His excuse was 'I was bored'. I had post natal depression and had put up with a year of manipulation before I had her so I believed him when he said he wouldn't do it again. I ended up moving in with him (again, being a total idiot!!) My MH was bad at that point, I was exhausted from months of broken sleep as I breastfed DD and he always had lie ins. When I asked him to support me with my MH his reply was 'I have depression but I don't take it out on you, I ignore it' but I didn't dawn on me before that he was the reason for my MH being so bad. When I was tired and drained from being the only one raising our DD he would always say 'why are you miserable now?' I would tell him I'm just tired and he would ALWAYS say 'you want to tell your face that!' that boiled my blood and it was a daily thing. I had enough, called a removal van and left! Best decision ever!!!