Amicable divorce

[littlematchstickgirl]

Hello all, I was hoping for some advice please.

My husband and I have had issues for a few years but have ignored them. Both felt unappreciated, etc. Never fighting, but we have slept in separate rooms for over a year, etc. No intimacy for longer. We have three children - early teen and under.

He doesn't love me any more and we have said we will divorce - it's not right to continue as we are. Does not want to attend counselling as it is too late. I had very serious surgery a few years ago and pulled away afterwards, became a bitter person. I slowly killed off the love he had for me. I can't undo this, he has said he doesn't hate or blame me and nothing we have had together was a mistake. He is a good man, it's such a shame it has come to this.

What do we need to consider for an amicable divorce? Similar earnings so we should split things equally, we do 50/50 childcare already due to work commitments. I'd like to buy him out of the house (if I can afford this on one salary) and he would get another place nearby. He has agreed. We do not want to fight and want to have this affect the children as little as possible, although of course it will do.

Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated in this sad time. Thanks in advance.

Would you consider legally binding arbitration? Relate do it and it seems less stressful and expensive than solicitors

Thank you for the reply. Is it possible just to do it ourselves, without solicitors? We want to keep it peaceful and half everything really. I'm not sure if that's even possible...

You need to have had a Miam interview before you can submit finances to a court.
Ours was 120 quid each.
To submit finances I vague if you can do it yourself. Need a solicitor to draw it up. C£750-1000 quid plus vat.
Nisi - Apply for permission to divorce £550 - do it online it moves so much faster.
Absolute - 50 quid
Apply to court for kids/finances - think it's c. 200 quid but best check.

Just think about pensions, esp if he's in a final salary one and you don't have one or vice versa.

I thought I read on MN about people doing the whole thing for just court fees, basically, maybe about £800 in total with VAT.

Friend is going down a very expensive route because both of them are unreasonable (imho). I am so very happy for you OP, if you can avoid all that.

Done & dusted on MSE for £450...

You will fall out at times. Impossible not to. Weve been seeing a counsellor to help us move into our new relationship as coparents. Sounds very Gwyeth Paltrow/conscious uncoupling I know but best money we've spent. Friends and family take sides and its helped us sort things out. Our counsellor is lovely but won't take shit from either of us. She does zoom and I couldn't recommend her more.

I would say that 50/50 isn't necessarily fair. Fair is walking away on an equal footing. So eg kids don't have a huge disparity in housing, lifestyle.

Thank you for all the advice. I'm going to think about it and see what we need to do.

@littlematchstickgirl I'm sorry you are going through this, it's incredibly sad when you admit something is over.
I recently bought 'the co-parenting handbook' which has really helpful advice. I wish I'd read it at the start. It's also worth looking at Cafcass Parenting Plan. Actually think it would be worth all new parents doing a parenting plan before a birth. Best wishes, and remember to be kind to yourself. It's very difficult to get used to time on your own when you've been living as a family.