Mesher-type arrangements- pro's and cons?

[LargeProsecco]

Currently separating from partner (jointly owned house) and looking at options to give DC a bit of stability at this difficult time. But it's a very expensive area to live & we can't realistically buy 2 smaller flats.

We are not married, and I am a low earner at the moment (part-time in specialised work, having difficulty getting full-time hours).

Ex-p is suggesting that he moves out & rents, paying 1/2 mortgage, until such times as I can get more permanent increased hours.

But I feel it's just kicking the problem down the line & I'm unlikely to be able to pay him around 100K in the future (I will inherit a fairly substantial amount in the next 5-10 years) but that's not how my parents would perhaps like their estate to go.

I think I'd prefer a clean break & to relocate somewhere cheaper.

So are there any advantages/disadvantages of the approach?

I agree - our initial settlement discussions were around a Mesher order with a view to splitting the profit from the house once the kids were 18 and then moving on but a) I realised that I would be too old by that time to get a mortgage and there wouldn't be enough equity in the house to buy something outright and b) a clean break was a much better idea (but my ex is an absolute nut job) so as not to be tied in to the other individual for too long. We sold up and with a small mortgage I managed to buy an ex local place in the area - which was much better than I thought initially - there are def options. Also look at Shared Ownership

Thank you; my views are much the same; I am 48 so have concerns about this - youngest is only 7, so it is a can of worms as far as I am concerned. As soon as she is 18, I will be 60!

And ex is also a controlling nutter with an erratic employment history, so I have concerns about his future payments.

He's fixated on keeping the house as we're in an expensive area (and I suppose because DC are settled in schools).

I would prefer to relocate somewhere cheaper nearer family & with better schools but he's not keen on that.

I think a clean break is better.

I divorced and we got a mesher order through the court. A few years later I had to go back to court to get the house sold as I couldn’t afford the mortgage and bills. I’m an older Mother and I’ll be 63 when my son turns 18, I couldn’t face selling my home at that age and going into rented accommodation (my 50% share wasn’t enough to buy a house). I wanted to sell while I was younger so I had time to get back onto my feet.

Oh bog off Lola

I think from memory there is a potential CGT issue for the non-resident partner as well if the house increases in value over the period (likely if it is ten years plus).

I'd always go for a clean break if possible assuming you can get a decent price for the house and ask for more than 50% if he is likely not to pay maintenance..

Excuse me?? It’s very easy to just quit and not work on stuff isn’t it! I’m just not a quitter!

Christ, I think we have a hairy handed bridge-dweller on this thread!

Perhaps some might like to stay with an unfaithful partner who did fuck all round the house, but it's a "no thanks" from me!

Mesher orders were very popular in the 80s/90s. The problem is when the houses ended up being sold a lot of women (and it was generally women) couldn’t afford to buy something else with their share of sale.

The courts now have to consider, if possible, a clean break.

The factors the court has to consider in dividing up assets is at S25 MCA 1975. Welfare of any children is courts consideration and the need to house them comes under that.

When you say “relocate”, what do you mean? The court would probably be concerned if that was a long way from where you are now. They won’t want the FRC being used as a way to create problems in child arrangements.

Missed our “first” before consideration. Welfare of children of family is the courts first consideration
.

@BlueStarRose - we are in Scotland & not married so I don't think that will apply.

We actually split up 15m ago & are still living under the same roof as he refused to move out (he has mental health issues)

Neither of us had the automatic right to keep the place & the default position is that it should be sold.

I'be been offered a new job in another city 50 miles away (non-commutable). He initially agreed I could move with DC & is no longer agreeing.

He's trying to find last minute desperate measures to stop me forcing the sale through the courts (which I may have to do).

He's talked about moving out & renting nearby , leaving me in the house with the DC.

I want a clean break & to accept new job. It's the same travel time to his work from where we live just now to where I want to relocate to.

He's just being controlling.

@LargeProsecco you are correct won’t apply in Scotland (only in England and Wales); however, the same concerns about Mesher orders are U.K. wide.

Yes, that's true. I think I have enough concerns about it. He just doesn't listen 🥲

It is perfectly reasonable to move from an area that you can't afford on your own.

Morally you might have to do a lot of the travelling if you move 50 miles away but I'm assuming that 50 miles is an hour journey and not London when peak hour traffic is more like 5mph

Meshes only work as part of divorce proceedings iirc. As you are not married, it should be split according to how you set up the joint purchase of the house.

Delaying things now will only prolong the misery. In England you can apply for a specific issues order to allow you to relocate: he could argue it and then you'd be forced to stay locally unless you have a good case - job, family support. You could also apply to court to force sale, but you need to work out what the plan is first.

Bite the bullet and break up now - sort finances and kids and move on.

My advice as a divorced person is that things can change further down the line when he gets a partner or is unable to work because of his mental health. It is better to assume that you'll get some equity from the house and hope for consistent child maintenance than continue being financially entangled with a person who could stop paying and make things difficult for you. I would get legal advice about the process of moving away. You might not be able to move 50 miles but if you can't afford the current area then what can you do?

I stayed in the house for a while while we went through mediation, but it made me realise that I didn't want to live somewhere we had bought and decorated together, filled with all 'our' things and lots of memories, both good and awful. The house was sold and i am not able through age and salary to get another mortgage big enough to buy anything here, so I spend twice the previous mortgage on rent instead which is irritating. But still better than him thinking he is doing me a favour or looking at the bathroom door and remembering when he put his fist through it.

@TicTacTwo - unfortunately I can only move to the new area if he is in agreement (he was & now he isn't).

The law here is that I could accept the new job but leave DC behind with him (not going to happen).

It's a total mess of a situation, and needs a pragmatic resolution which gives us both a roof over our heads & near our DC.

He has resolutely refused to sell the house when he has no right not to. 15 months later we are still in a stalemate.

@Ffsffsffsffsffs - the move would be nearer family, better schools etc - but would take a year or more to get to court & cost £10-15K plus. I don't think I can continue to live with him for that period of time.

I've suggested we all relocate together so that he can be close to DC but he doesn't wish to do that.

I'm out of options here. I can't get a rental agreement (due to low income) & don't qualify for social housing due to amount of equity in the house or lump sum from sale proceeds.

He knows all of this but is fixated on the house.

Mesher orders are a bad idea, they only prolong the inevitable .

As you aren’t married - you won’t be eligible for one.

If you were..... a clean break now (IMO) is the best option.

My OH’s EX fought for a Mesher order. At the time the FMH could have been sold & both parties rehoused with the substantial equity (EX was awarded 67% of equality).

EW dug her heels in (how could the children be uprooted)....

She earns £10k at the time & there was a £250K mortgage on the property.

She’s struggled to pay the mortgage. Didn’t maintain the property as she couldn’t afford to and now it has to be sold she can’t afford to buy a property in the area.

Best to face into this now rather than years later.

It looks like we're all saying the same things; it's not a good idea.

And it can't be done if I'm not in agreement

Nope. If you're not up for it it can't happen.

We're going for a Mesher. It's good to be reminded of the cons but for us the pros are worth it.