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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Shared "lives with" (custody) and domestic abuse

4 replies

SorryPleaseTryAgain · 11/12/2020 18:37

I am in the middle of child arrangement proceedings and my child currently has supervised contact (at my insistence) with her dad. Her dad is pushing for 50/50 custody (shared "lives with).
There is a history of domestic abuse, mostly verbal/emotional (controlling behaviour, coercion, threats) but a couple of physical incidents which led to a non molestation order.

I am really surprised that Cafcass are positive for a shared lives with order. I tried to raise that I was worried about how this would give him lots of ways to be controlling and coercive towards me. I am positive to contact between them, as long as it's safe, but I feel it is best to have an order where she lives with me and spends time with him.

The Cafcass person claims that there are no practical differences and that having a shared order would make him happier and therefor he won't be so difficult....

I struggled to articulate what my concerns were with shared lives with, I honestly never expected her to be so positive to it.
Can someone enlighten me, are there really no practical implications/risks in having a shared lives with order with an abusive ex partner?

OP posts:
DecorativeParticle · 11/01/2021 00:16

Sorry, I can't enlighten - can only bump for you.

Sounds odd to me but I'm no expert.

CC2021 · 11/01/2021 13:39

Hi, sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment. Cafcass only care if there is abuse towards the children, though don't care about abuse towards parents. Friend of mine was in a similar boat and said extended contact would be better for the DC and that basically it was irrelevant my friend was being abused as the DC weren't.

Coseynightin · 11/01/2021 15:34

Remember Cafcass are child focused.

Santaiscovidfree · 11/01/2021 15:35

Ime Cafcass were exh focused...

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