What do you do about Christmas ?

[Scaryprospects]

It’s first year since properly separated (we had separated last year but tolerated each other on the day)

There is no formal agreement so we need to negotiate one ourselves. The thought of not seeing DD is killing me. What does everyone else do?

We alternate, one year I get Xmas Eve to 4/5 Xmas day and the year after I get 4/5xmas day and Boxing Day/night. It works well ds doesn’t spend most of his Xmas back and forth in a car, gets quality time with each parent to relax open presents, play and see family.

My dp on the other hand doesn’t work as well we’ve had years of fitting in plans around his ex. Often plans changing last minute in the run up to Xmas, which is annoying trying to coordinate with visitors, and he always sets out to have a substantial chunk of time with them which ends up getting eroded to a few hours where she is late getting them ready and rings early for us to drop off. She also won’t let us have Xmas Eve night or Xmas day night due to her traditions. Dp has given up and said this year he won’t see them Xmas day (it’s just too much of a rush and becomes a challenge in how quickly presents can get opened) but will have Boxing Day/night I’m waiting for a new tradition to be brought up...

Alternative Christmas & NYE here (it’s court ordered for my OH, the NRP). He picks up today & drops back on the 28th.

If it wasn’t he wouldn’t get anytime over Christmas if it was left to mum.

Just read back my previous post and sad to say I was right plans have already been made for Boxing Day (shopping)so looks like we get the 27th. Although dsd not happy as she won’t have got her money off her dads side of the family to go shopping with. She tried to convince oh to pick her up and take her round the family Xmas day, thankfully oh cottoned on and said no he wasn’t a taxi and Xmas is about more than presents.

So he ended up coming for Christmas dinner. Then at the end completely kicked off, tried to take DD. Started accusing me of cheating. My dad had to step in and take her off of him.

He is supposed to have her today but I am really worried he isn’t going to bring her back on the agreed day. What on Earth do I do ? I’ve barely slept

You should have called the police so it’s logged, and it would have given you grounds to refuse contact today. You should get a court order so the contact is official.

Either way if there’s no court order you can refuse contact if you’re worried about anyone’s safety.

I didn’t even think about police. Should I do it now ?

There’s no court order but do you think it will go against me ?

I didn’t mean to panic you, I just think it’s better to have logs for any sort of domestic abuse or harassment. And no it won’t go against you as long as you have a reason which you do.

He is just going to make my life hell isn’t he ? I can’t do this anymore I’m going to have to move back in. I’m not strong enough to do this for another 14 years. My daughter has SEN I can’t protect her away from the house.

Stay strong. Get legal advice. You have good support around with your dad. Just take each day as it comes. You deserve a peaceful life. You just need to push through this difficult time.

We've been separated 2 1/2 years now. Contact sporadic. This year he didn't even turn up, no phone call, card, nothing. ( DCs are 11 and 9) youngest was heartbroken but hid it well.

I just can’t cope anymore. I can’t do it I’m losing my mind

You can do it
You have got this far
You are strong to have got this far
Please speak to someone in real life