Are all the 'firsts' this hard?

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STBXH moved out last weekend (long time coming, mutual agreement, best for everyone as living together was getting toxic). He picked up DS for first overnight this afternoon with him due to get dropped back tomorrow evening.

I feel bereft, which is ridiculous as he will be having a great time with his Dad and I have spent longer away from him before but this feels different and I am so so sad.

I guess it is partly because it is the first time since the official split, and I know we won't be living together as a family again but I had no idea I would feel this bad

18 months on here and some days are very difficult. Try and keep yourself busy - easier said than done in lockdown.

This is my third Christmas as a single parent. These events sting. We hope for the happy family unit etc. It takes time to adjust day to day it eases but the big events for me I find hard.

Thanks for the replies and really sorry things are difficult for you both too.

Yes, I guess its hitting home grieving for the family I hoped we would have, and also feeling so guilty about the loss to DS who is 6 and how it will impact him. I don't think he really understands the permanency of it all yet.

It would definitely be easier if it was possible to head out and see friends etc, I am going to try and get out of the house today and get fresh air (probably in sunglasses though as my eyes are so puffy I would probably scare small children at the moment!)

Firsts are hard, its comprehending a new reality. You have to feel it and go through it before it can become your normal. It is similar emotionally to a bereavement. It does get easier, it does start to feel normal.

Go easy on yourself. It isn't ridiculous. It takes a lot of adjustment. It took me a year to not need to be manically busy whenever my kids were with Dad. And not sure how i would achieve that in a lockdown! But now i am able to also be still and calm and relaxed. I use one chunk of time to get a few things done, like some admin to clear my head or a food shop or some food prep to make myself a calmer nice parent when DC are back with me. And then some time to rest or relax or do whatever to recharge my batteries. I think i am a much better parent when i have these bits of time to myself. It is a massive adjustment. Be kind to yourself x