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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Does anyone else feel constantly on edge about childcare?

1 reply

november90 · 23/11/2020 13:41

Me and my husband have 2 children, a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old.
He left me when I was 5 months pregnant, completely out of the blue, and since then has been horrific with me. I BF the baby so he has no over night access, he only sees him a couple hours a week but has our eldest 2 nights and 3ish days (I say ish because he works and gets family memebers/nursery to do the watching). I had to contact woman's aid earlier in the year because his emotional abuse and threats were too much. They advised I go to the doctors to document it incase we ended in court but the fact they logged my coversarion should be enough. I didn't attend the doctors because his friend works at the surgery and I was too scared of him finding out. I was also worried about SS getting involved. I'm aware that sounds pathetic. Anyway, things have levelled off and we've been civil. We've agreed days and money but ever so often, after a disagreement, he starts demanding a third night. I am not agreeing to a 3rd night and have lots of reasons why. He then leaves it a while and the suggestion of a third night will rear its head again when we fall out. Time is passing by now and we speak less and less as we both heal but I am an anxious mess. I feel like he's just going to turn up one day and demanded 50/50.... I think it's almost like ptsd because he walked out on me out of the blue. I've spoke to a solicitor and they've discouraged court unless he takes me.
I think I'm rambling and starting to forget what the point of this post was! Has anyone been in shoes? I just feel like I'm going to spend my life frightened of loosing my sons.
Don't even get me start on Christmas and birthdays 😢😢😢😢

Just to note aswell I've given him lots of childcare access options incl set days, alternate weekends etc etc and never ever denied his contact, other then the third night!!

OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 24/11/2020 07:02

Hello November90, sounds hard, just stand your ground, it's actually quite hard to change things once they're in place, so he might not be able to do what you're worried about with as much ease as you fear. The contact given the ages sounds totally reasonable, just keep being reasonable :). It's really tough, mine are slightly older but I've got a young one and sometimes it's all just such a worry :( my ex is unreasonable and has been really nasty, apparently they get better with time if you just stick to your guns in a polite and reasonable fashion. Maybe find ways to deal with your own anxiety - good yoga for anxiety videos on YouTube, and just stay centred and get lots of support your end and focus on what you're doing, your life Flowers

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