Telling the kids

[thetrees]

H and I are separating very amicably. We have been in separate rooms for a year and he is buying a flat round the corner. We will nest for a few months (taking it in turns to stay in the house and the flat) and then will do 50/50 split.

Hopefully the nesting will make it a gentle transition- one of our kids has had significant mental health problems in the past, we would have separated years ago otherwise.

Any advice for telling kids? They are 15 and 11. Any tips for time of day? I am sure 15 yo will just go straight back on a screen and won't want to talk about it

Sorry no advice but just wanted to say I understand the nervousness. I'm in the same position. Really not sure I can actually do it. Feels like the hardest thing in the world. Wishing you lots of strength x

We told ours after lunch so they were well fed and then they could go on their consoles etc straight after so that they could chill if they wanted to and almost not have to think about it if that makes sense
At the start of the weekend
Able to talk them through exactly what their new routine would be if they wanted to try different things
They were fine - was a massive relief and just remember they don't see it as a big a disaster as we as adults see it - they want to know how it affects them and their own little bubble
I kept a light but serious tone and tried not to cry
You need to show that you know what is happening to give them the feeling of security

We did almost exactly the same as italiancitytrip - but I did cry!
Our boys are 16 & 13. We told them at the start of the weekend and just after I'd given them a big lunch.
Said it is no one's fault and defo not their fault.
We haven't sorted out living arrangements yet as we are only at Decree nisi stage and just about to start getting consent order written. However we told them that when we have things to tell them about the progress and any decisions that effect them - then we will let them know straight away. We also won't decide on properties until they have also had a chance to see them - we won't be dragging them round viewings though.
They didn't say much about it at all and they haven't asked any questions since we told them about 4 weeks ago.
I know the youngest has told one of his best friends which I am glad about as we don't want them to bottle it up.
We said it isn't a secret and they can tell anyone they want.
I've asked the eldest if he has any questions or does he want to talk about it and he said 'no, it's not that deep' - teenagers eh!
I think they'll only be interested in how it effects them.
I would like to try the nesting as I don't want them to have to shlep between both of us all the time.

Thanks everyone. We're going to do it early evening. I just feel awful knowing they don't know what's coming

Hope it all went ok. Thinking of you

Thanks @mummyof2lou. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it would be. I don't think they were that surprised. I hope its not as bad as you think either when you come to do it

@thetrees I'm so glad to hear that. You must feel some sort of relief for getting it over. Best of luck for the weeks to come. I'm sure it won't be easy, but you're through one of the hardest parts now, so you know you can get through it

Thanks @mummyof2lou