Reasonable access

[PromiseRose]

I'm planning on leaving my partner after finally realising the years of emotional manipulation I have been subject to. We have a young baby together and I'm starting to worry about his access rights. I understand he is entitled to "reasonable access" but does anyone know what that means? I think our 8 month old is too young to be spending time with him away from me and certainly don't want LO spending nights with dad until a lot older. It's making me very anxious.

Start getting as much evidence against him as you can. Unless you get footage of him beating up your baby in front of a police officer the court will rather he gets contact with his baby. I cope with this by knowing that they can't hate him unless they see him.

There is no physical abuse, it's years of pretty subtle emotional manipulation through things like gaslighting. Although he's a pretty lazy dad and does little to actually look after our LO, he is a loving father and I don't want to prevent him spending time at all, just too much time without me present whilst child is so young and anxious about any over night stays in particular. Happy for him to visit as much as he wants with me present but I know he'll try and fight for time on his own.

He should have time on his own. Why not ?

He should be allowed time on his own op you can't leave him then not allow it

Unless you still BF 2-3 hourly, then he's going to get significant time alone with his child. But probably not overnights before 1 year old.

Yes, I am still breastfeeding throughout the day

You may still be in expected to express for the day time, but it's unlikely that you'll be told it's reasonable to leave a BF baby overnight.

If he's emotionally abusive to you, then it's not in your baby's beest interests to see you together, as he will be exposed to the abusive behaviour. You just need to consider proposing arrangements that will minimise the potential for him to abuse through via the contact eg handover facilitated by a mutual friend/family member, cheap phone that you only use for contact with dad which you only put on while baby is away, email for any other communication etc

I had, have, the same. My xh is a vile abuser but his actions are subtle. It's only after a lengthy time people involved, police, solicitors etc can see it. Even then there is fk all they can do about it. Its awful op.

What are your concerns about him having her on his own? She's as much his dd as she is yours.

Although he's a pretty lazy dad and does little to actually look after our LO, he is a loving father and I don't want to prevent him spending time at all, just too much time without me present whilst child is so young and anxious about any over night stays in particular.

If he's a lazy parent then will he actually want all the work involved with having an 8 month old baby.

every other weekend visit are "normal" and reasonable, you may even find you enjoy the break from baby and perhaps suggest that to him, that whilst he has baby you'll get a well earned rest...... I suspect if he's as you suggest that comment will go down like a bag of sick and may have the opposite effect

@HosannainExcelSheets

You may still be in expected to express for the day time, but it's unlikely that you'll be told it's reasonable to leave a BF baby overnight.

You cant make a mother express her milk. Plus bottle feeding is not the same as feeding directly from the breast. To force this woudl be against the rights of both the mother and the child.

At this age, still breastfeeding, I’d suggest he can have her on his own but little and often. An hour or so every other day, or something like that. Baby sees him regularly enough for him to be a familiar person, gets to know daddy, but doesn’t have her routine disrupted.

A court won’t award overnight stays for a breastfeeding eight month old.

When she’s older things can change as her needs change.