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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ex wants to divorce on 2 years separation but it’s not true!

11 replies

PistachioQueen · 11/11/2020 10:20

My solicitor has filed a petition to divorce my ex based on unreasonable behaviour. He emotionally abused me throughout my pregnancy and his behaviour has only gotten worse, despite the fact that we haven’t been living together for a few years now. The petition explains this, which he is not happy about.

My ex is now threatening to contest the petition unless I agree to divorce on two years’ separation. I know what is coming next, he will claim that we were only married for a short while as some years ago, we both moved out of a property we were renting together with the intention of buying a place closer to my family. I moved into my parents’ house with our daughter while we continued to act as a family, going on holidays etc together, until I realised that the abuse was never going to stop. He has offered to pay some of my fees if I agree to the two years’ separation, however, I am convinced that this is part of a ploy to ensure that I get less of a settlement later down the line, as he will claim that the marriage was very short indeed.

My question is, if I agree to what he wants, am I going to be penalised financially later down the line as it is essentially agreeing to his claim that the marriage was much shorter? I am unsure as to whether he will proceed with his threat to contest otherwise, as he is an extremely controlling and manipulative man who wants to protect his image at all costs. He also owns many assets so has the funds and the time to devote to contesting this. I personally feel that he has intimidated and bullied me for so long, that if I agree to what he wants, I am essentially allowing the bullying to proceed. On the other hand, my solicitor has said that this would possibly work out cheaper and easier for me, but what about in the long term? Has anyone has experience of this that they could share please?

OP posts:
LeaveMyDamnJam · 11/11/2020 10:22

The financial agreement has no bearing on the reason for divorce. Your solicitor should have explained this to you.

Ohalrightthen · 11/11/2020 10:30

Surely the length of your marriage is uncontestable - the start date is on your marriage certificate, it's not up for debate. But tbh, the fact that you've been living separately for (how long??) would imply that you were separated, as if you were still together surely he would have come with you?

I would take all your concerns to your lawyer and follow their advice. You don't say whether or not you're working, but if you've only been married a short time you'll likely only be entitled to close to 50% of shared assets, and CMS.

Berthatydfil · 11/11/2020 10:44

I think the short marriage thing (as regards financial settlements) only applies if you have no joint children but take advice from your solicitor.

PistachioQueen · 11/11/2020 11:04

Thanks, I will ask my solicitor to clarify on this, as I was concerned that him claiming the marriage is shorter was his way of ensuring that I walk away with less.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 11/11/2020 11:20

Tell him you'll agree to a divorce based on 2 years separation providing you can come to an agreement on the finances

PistachioQueen · 11/11/2020 11:58

That’s another issue, he has his own business and has been running tax scams for years, making out he’s on £40k to avoid paying higher rate tax. He’s trying to calculate child maintenance etc based on that salary, so I would then need to prove that he’s earning more.

OP posts:
PicaK · 11/11/2020 17:03

Were you financially separated?

PistachioQueen · 11/11/2020 19:33

No, although we’ve never had a joint back account. We’ve always lived in either rented properties (where he paid the rent) or one of his many owned properties.

OP posts:
movingonup20 · 11/11/2020 19:56

Agree to the two years separation on subject to you agreeing to the financial settlement!

PistachioQueen · 12/11/2020 00:40

He’s only offered to pay “some” of my legal fees in return for this, but yes, I ought to insist on the financial settlement!

OP posts:
Redannie118 · 12/11/2020 00:56

My abusive ex stated adultry on my side as reason for divorce. He had had at least 3 affairs during our marriage including when i was in hospital after almost dying giving birth to our son. I had a fab lawyer, who told me arguing was pointless as i had never lodged a previous claim against his adultery, and this would make the whole process much much quicker and have zero impact on the financial settlement. It stuck in my throat but was 100 percent the right advice and i was divorced( after 20 horrible, abusive, miserable years) in 3 months. Look at the big picture. As PP has said, circs have no impact on the financial settlement. If it gets the whole thing through quicker( and cheaper) agree to it!

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