I told my husband in June that I couldn't be his wife anymore after 15 years of his functioning alcoholic behaviour and nonviolent abuse. I had tried on multiple occasions to get him to stop and get help with his issues but this only ended up with him stopping drinking for a few weeks or months and then getting back to the usual routine. Every time I told him that I wouldn't be able to continue on for much longer.
This has had a massive effect on the mental health of my daughter and myself. In december I finally said that this was his final chance and that if this time didn’t stick that I would leave and our daughter was fine with this, which she was. She is 14 and unfortunately aware of her father's drinking and behaviours.
He moderated his drinking to social occasions which was ok, at this point I was aware of the abusive behaviours but thought that they would go once he was sober, this was wrong of me as i have found out on the womens aid course i have been on since.
Anyway, lockdown happened, we ‘agreed’ that he could drink at our weekly family zoom quiz nights which were on saturday. We went to the shop on Thursday and he bought 10 cans, there were none left by the morning. This continued, my husband was furloughed as I have Multiple Sclerosis and had to self isolate, he spent the day time doing projects around in the garden that he wanted to do and then the evening drinking and then watching tv and harassing me for sex. Towards the end of lockdown, the middle of June he decorated the living room and said to me that he decided he was stopping drinking after that night, i told him that he needed to do it for himself and get proper help, i was going to be myself and not change my behaviours and be scared of him because i was sick of being worried about his moods and behaviours because of his drinking. He was good for 3 or 4 days then we went for a walk and popped to see his brother socially distant obviously. We both had a hot drink and then I saw his brother pass him a can out of the corner of my eye and that was the straw that broke the camel's back!
Since June he stopped drinking but his behaviours have ranged from being mentally abusive, emotionally blackmailing, controlling and just not accepting of the situation, I should just trust him and have to give him a chance, I'm not being fair. My friends and I believe he is narcissistic.
The situation is this. We have been together 20 years, married 15. 13 years ago I was diagnosed with MS. I had an individual life and critical illness policy which paid out 74K in my name. I paid off joint and individual debt, got work done in our home and paid 25K off the mortgage.
Now we are separating my proposal is that he keeps his pension and i keep mine as i am receiving mine as i have been pensioned off on ill health ( i am unable to work because of the Multiple Sclerosis and related issues) we pay the remainder of the mortgage, i get the 25k critical illness amount and 50% of the equity of the house clean break no claims going forward other than maintenance from the CMS calculator on a month behind based on actual nights as we have agreed that we will follow our daughters wishes on where and when she wants to spent her time and sharing the cost of our daughters needs.
I believe this is more than fair as my husband is now a high earner. Before I was unable to work (the first 10 years of our relationship) I was the higher earner. I have also received 2 redundancy payments, inheritances, bank charge claims etc.. I have continued to contribute financially to the household as I have received contribution based ESA and PIP at high rate. As well as being a sahm with a progressive illness. He only started to earn more when i wasnt able to work, yes he has done work in the home that has saved money in labour but he is staying in the home so will continue to benefit from that and i spent thousands on materials for that work to be done.
Am i being unfair? Will a financial mediator/solicitor agree with me?