Lockdown and co-habiting with ex

[Febo24]

Wah!

Today we were going to talk to the kids and then next weekend we were going to start bird nesting using a friends property near by. I was dreading it (not being with my kids) but also looking forward to it (not being with my husband).

But now lockdown means the house is no longer available, and now we're going to be in the same house.

What I'm wondering is:

1. what do we tell the kids now? I want to acknowledge that he's in the spare room and we're going to try and loosely maintain the rota we'd agreed previously.

2. how do I survive it mentally?

It's going to be a long ass winter....

How old are your kids OP? I was stuck in the first lockdown with EXDH, it was such a bad situation we had to tell the kids (12, 10 and 4). I really feel for you, but you can get through it and happier days are coming. Big hugs

I'm in a similar situation to you. We have started divorce I have the nisi but we are still loving together. Our idea was to sell the house in the new year. Here's how I'm getting through.

1. Loose rota for kids, this is quite easy as I work weekends and evenings albeit from home and he works week days so we just switch over roles.
2. Keep a diary, this has helped me so much work through my feelings and just let thing all out.
3. We split in May and I've been working on getting the house ready for sale so painting rooms, cleaning and sorting out cupboards, tidy up garden, I've nearly finished now but will keep doing this.
4. I'm at uni so I study to keep busy.
5. Have an activity to take you out the house for a bit of time each day. I take the dogs for long walks and I runn long distances. If you don't run, start to get yourself out the house!
6. We have separate bedrooms and bathrooms and living space, which helps.
7. As much as possible try and get on if you can. When we first split this was impossible but as time has gone on we have rumbled along as sort of friends, we are considerate to each other but live separate lives like make our own meals and do our own laundry etc.
8. Sounds a bit odd but I looked up meditation on you tube and now really look forward to 10 minutes of meditation each day. I close the curtains, put on head phones and have 10 or 15 minutes of chill. It has helped me loads even if I'd have never considered thhis 6 months ago.

You will get through this of course and it's horrible when your plans are disrupted for the nesting. I'd be interested to know how successful you find nesting as we initially considered this but I got really annoyed with still being the only one to clean the house and I do crave my own home.

And regarding telling the kids I have no advise. Mine are aware we are not together but that mum and dad remain friends and committed parents. Just keep reassuring them that it's not their fault and it's a grown up problem.

Thanks both and @Raver84 really great tips.

My DDs are 8 and 6 and the 8yo is quite and anxious child so that was always the worry. I guess for them it might be a soft landing.

I do worry STBXH thinks it's great, as he is the one who's messed up and I guess doesn't want to split as much as I do, although it's mutual.

I read this which spoke to me a bit although different circumstances.
www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/sex-and-relationships/marriage-breakdown-in-lockdown-696797

We wrote rules for the bird nesting, so I'm just looking at those now to adapt them. We're fortunate to have space so he can use one bathroom and I the other etc.

I was so looking forward to headspace though to think things through so I'll take your advice Raver and create my own routine this time around.

What a mess! I say this so much at the moment. In life, in work, at home.