Is this fair, and what next.

[NeverEnoughCats]

STBXH and I have been separated and living apart for almost two years. We’re just thinking about the financial separation and divorce, and I wondered if this seems okay. 20 years together and two lower high school aged children, one of whom is autistic. I have them 5 nights per week, he has them two, and he hasn’t paid any maintenance for them in the two years, for background.

We’ve agreed to a 60/40 split in favour of me. I can raise a mortgage for 38% of our marital home (mortgage currently paid off), where I’d like to stay, and have offered this (and he’s accepted), but in lieu of the 2% I’ve said I’ll give up any claim on his pension, most of which is held overseas (where we lived for years). Does this sound reasonable? And what do I need to do next, to make it legally official?

We’re in Scotland, which I know might make a difference to the process.

I think 2 percent of the marital home is likely to be worth less than your half of his pension. I would ask for a pension split quotation and only give up the proportion which is equal to the 2 percent on the house, especially as he has paid no maintenance. Also is the plan for you to get 60 percent but no maintenance thereafter, not sure if you are just going to end up asset rich and cash poor? My mother in law managed to get a deal where she ended up with the house, part of his pension and ongoing good level of maintenance until the child stopped full time education of any kind or 25 years old, whichever came first. To be fair FIL is a generous man though and i think it was a bit unfair on him really the settlement but as he was a good earner he managed to get himself a nice place too (mortgaged obviously) and still to retire on good earnings.

It's impossible to say without knowing how much the pension is worth.

When I think of the deal my partner agreed to with his ex wife who had never worked, but screwed him to the ground and ended up with half his pension and now has the house as well I think you are selling yourself short here and need a solicitor to advise you. Seriously.

We discussed maintenance, and he has agreed to pay whatever the cms say he should, moving forward.

His pension is mostly stuck overseas, and I suspect it will be difficult/time consuming to sort out. I kind of feel like it is a sacrifice I’m willing to make, in order to move things on and make a break.

Whatever CMS say he should will probably be quite low. And is he self employed and could hide income?

You need to know how much that pension is worth. A fairer scenario might be for you to get the house and him to get the pension. There is no way I'd be borrowing money as a mortgage to pay him off until I knew how much more he had.

It sounds low given he is not paying towards kids and one may be dependent on you long term. Is your income affected by having child with ASC? Will you have to house that child into adulthood? I’m in similar situation and asking for higher % and keep my pension (ex doesn’t have one) also agreed his unpaid maintenance will come off his share house - how much does he owe for 2 years is this worth 2%. I’m hoping get >80% + own pension untouched (this is v reduced anyway due to caring and PT work due disabled child and won’t be enough for one person let alone two). I’ve also asked maintenance until disabled child leaves education which could be up to 25 in special ed. You can ask court to extend maintenance to higher age. There is very little info out there about disabled children other than courts will look at future contribution / costs / housing needs as well as past and is likely to give bigger share to main carer to compensate for this role than would if it were a split between parents with non disabled children. I’ve seen cases where got 100% house as disabled child would need housing forever. I don’t know your income situation but be aware that you will lose a lot of benefits for child / disability at 16/18. It’s worth running scenarios through benefit calculators to see how you will be affected and if you will be able afford mortgage once you lose benefits. I will never be able work full time as no childcare for a disabled teen and adult social care will be woefully inadequate so I consider a court will have to take that into account. ex has arranged his contact so it doesn’t affect his work or income at all. Usual expectations that both go and work full time can’t apply when a disabled child in mix. Obviously don’t know what your child’s ability level is but that % and no pension doesn’t seem to take caring responsibilities into account at all. It’s probably worth you getting a bit of advice about impact of disabled child. Remember the children’s needs are considered first by courts and only once they are met from assets do adults needs figure into it.