So worried how separating will affect DS 15yr

[PurpleMustang]

Long time lurker, first time posting. Partner (of 25 yrs) is saying he is leaving. I want to stay together till DS 15 yrs (Year 10) has at least done GCSE's. I am trying to find info online of how this will possibly affect him, even more so with the whole education/ covid situation. Teens go through so much, find out who they are, spending time with friends, hiding in their rooms talking to friends and watching endless Internet, discovering their likes and personalities. I am worried between school, after school activities and split loyalties going through us separating it is going to have an awful impact on him for now and forever. He is such a caring kid. Will it?

Speaking from experience it would have been a lot less stressful if my parents had split up rather than stayed together for the kids.
It's never going to be easy at any age - I was 20 and got caught in the middle of it.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this and it's such a worry how it will impact your DS. They are more resilient than we give them credit for. I think you just have to be there for him and be honest about it all.

Good luck, take care.

I think you just need to get on with it tbh. My parents split when I was young and got back together again when I was 17, but only for a few months. They split again just 3 months before my A levels. It wasn't great, but it didn't affect my exams.

Your DS is only year 10. There is time before his exams to get this out of the way. And I agree with the PP who said it's better than living with two unhappy parents. A friend of mine went through that and it was awful for her.

Thank you both for your messages. It is just really shitty timing. Just so worried about all the crap he will have to go through, because his Dad decides to do this now

Just to add re timing
I had a few friends who at university parents suddenly split as they were staying together till exams were finished - it really screwed them up as felt it was all a big pretence and wished they had known the reality

My husband left when eldest was just finishing Y10. Yr 11 started, I heard from friends who work at school that staffroom chat was that he was more focused and had lost the attitude and they speculated if dad leaving was a factor.

Its horrible and it was my biggest fear but he got amazing results (8x9s and 1x8).

I have realised that I gave his dad are more credit than he deserved when he was with us. He left but life didn't change for the kids very much.

Tell the truth in an age appropriate way. Tell the school. Its tough but you are already showing you are going to be a great support to him

I don't disagree that it will be shitty. But it will be shitty any time. Goss luck to you OP.

And the fact that you are worried about how shitty it will be for your son and how it might affect him is great parenting already. My parents didn't give a shit about me, it was all about them.

I was 15, and 4 months away from exams when my parents split. Found out in the most awful way but it didn't affect my exams. I don't think it's affected me too much as a person. My life has been different than if they'd stayed together, but different not worse. 20 years on I can't imagine them together now, they are both so much happier.

Thank you for all the comments. Yes, I can see how you all make valid points about how kids can adapt well. Also how by carrying on would be in some ways worse for him when he did find out afterwards that we had waited till he finished his exams. I need to trust in that he will be ok and help/guide as much as I can and hope his Dad doesn't undo all the hardwork.
I suppose it is the whole scary unknown and not wanting kids to be hurt more than needed because their Dad is doing this. If I knew that partner was trying to make this easy on me I would have more hope that kids would be less affected. Unfortunately, he has gone into classic victim, "I hate you" mode and "never wants to see/speak to me again". Erm, yeah like that will be helpful to all. Just finding it pathetic considering what I have put up with from him over the years. Trust me, I wouldn't of been here for a long time if it wasn't for having kids.
Oh and yes, he is the classic big London job, away from home, sleeping about, minimal parenting, gaslighting, mocking, silent treatment, claiming me doing all the parenting and support hasn't got him to the wage he is on. Classic show Dad, disney Dad