How to financially separate

[Siablue]

I have been separated from my abusive husband for a year and have had no contact at all from him for 3 months. He is still in the family home me and our son are in a rented flat.

I really want to buy somewhere permanent for us to live as I want stability and the mortgage would be less than our rent.

I am still on the mortgage for the marital home. I know that my ex has a lot of money in savings. I know we are going to have a very acrimonious divorce because he doesn’t want to give me any money and I just want to walk away with nothing. It would cost me a lot less to do that as I would have to pay a massive amount in legal fees.

What options do I have? I have had an appointment with a solicitor and she said I would have to go through a full divorce to get any money. I know someone going through a divorce who has already divided the finances and bought a new house without being divorced.

I can’t face a fight I just want him to leave me alone. My solicitor says that the asserts will have to be divided by the court but I don’t want anything if I say I want nothing he will be more likely to agree.

Hi Siablue,

Ideally you would file for divorce and once your decree nisi was issued you would apply for a financial consent order to separate finances and assets and get a clean break financially in order that neither of you can have any claims against the other in the future. Once this has been approved by a judge you can then apply for your absolute to formally end the marriage.

However, particularly as your child resides with you it is highly unlikely that a judge would consider an agreement that weighs so heavily in your ex's favour to be fair and it would likely get rejected. He will be seen as taking advantage of the situation and/or bullying you into walkign away without what you are rightly entitled to. To then fight over it would also end up costing him more money in the long run, so it sounds like he is trying his luck in saying you would get nothing as in the eyes of the law with a dependant to support and house you would likely be seen as having more costs and possibly limited earning potential, so any financial split would be likely to go in your favour, perhaps he knows this so is trying to scaremonger you a bit?

Thank you so much for replying. That does make sense of the process. My solicitor did explain it to me but it all got scrambled in my head. It feels like such a lot to go through. I hope he doesn’t fight it too much. The only thing he cares about is if it will cost him money so he might be persuaded that he might save money on legal fees by agreeing to settle.

If your ex is abusive will he use custody of your child against you?

If all he cares about is the money is there someone you can use as a mediator to propose you walking away with no money if he didn’t fight you on custody?

@Bid876

If your ex is abusive will he use custody of your child against you?

If all he cares about is the money is there someone you can use as a mediator to propose you walking away with no money if he didn’t fight you on custody?

That is my worry and why I want to offer leaving with nothing. I am going to have another appointment with my solicitor and see if she can negotiate for me a situation where he can see I am getting less than I am entitled to in exchange for leaving me alone.

@Siablue that sounds like and good idea. Hopefully he walks away with his money and you and your DS can move on to a happier life x

It may be worthwhile asking your solicitor how likely it is that the Absolute would be granted based on the fact that you do not want any financial recompense. Also, it may be worthwhile pointing out to your ex that even if a divorce is granted you would still be able to make a claim for ancillary relief in the future (as would he). Obviously this would be more difficult after the divorce, however if he gained financially say for example from an inheritance (or could you) then you could legitimately make a claim for this still. It really is worthwhile sorting out the finances as you may regret it in the future. If it comes to court you can represent yourself certainly up until the first hearing (the FDA). You could pay for solicitor's advice as you go without instructing them. If your ex gets a solicitor then they would have to do all of the court paperwork for you i.e. submitting of bundles etc. You can also do the divorce bit easily yourself as well. But make sure you apply for a financial order/ancillary relief prior to getting the absolute! If you are the one applying for the divorce then you will be the one in control. It would also ensure that your ex could not apply for the absolute without first going to a hearing. Whereas if you are the one applying for the divorce (the petitioner) all you simply have to do is fill out one short form. I am not a solicitor myself, but am going through the divorce/court process. Of course there is need to attend/consider mediation prior to court, but if your ex is controlling and won't provide financial disclosure then it may not be suitable for you and you could try and go straight to court. Obviously resolving through mediation would be cheaper, but there is no guarantee that your ex will agree to the terms agreed during the mediation when it comes apply for the financial order.