Help don't know where to start

[Hamster555]

I need helpful advice brief is fine just need an idea of where the hell I start and constructive, kind feedback please! Long story I'm married, we have a 14 mth old relationship is ending. Things got very heated this morning and I had to call the police to stop it escalating as it wasn't fair for baby to be in the middle of this. I need to do something about this and I can't see any other way for happiness other than to end this.

We own a house together, both names on the deeds, have lived together for 13 years, he is the higher earner, earns a lot more than me enough to easily survive I earn 20k working f/time atm.

If I decide we are best to split where on Earth do I start? I need to speak to the cab firstly but I feeel like I don't want to be here in this house with baby anymore, it's not great but I have nowhere to go to. He could possibly stay with his parents if needed but I don't think he will if it comes to it. Is there no where I can turn to for help or do I have to ride this out with solicitors etc until the house is sold and finances split etc?

He owns the majority of the equity I'll likely walk away with not a lot but I don't earn a lot so it's only fair. I don't know based on a lot of stuff that's happened this last year and with this if I will intially have the strength to continue intially to work either for a time as I am exhausted.

If I somehow ended up with enough to buy a small house and to be mortgage free but I'm not working can I even buy a home in that situation? And as of course I'm going to need some basic support until I get myself back together to get back to work full time and in the area I'll be moving to, is that even possible?

I can't continue in my current job because it's miles and miles away from where I could afford to live and will have to move to etc. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better walking away with nothing!

I just have no idea how this all works so if anyone has been in this situation and could just briefly advise what my options may be it just give me an idea of what I'm headed for so I can try to plan as I don't know how quickly I'll get an appointment with the cab for advice.

Thank you!

I’m sorry you are going through this. Breakups are hard, even more so when children are involved. I don’t have a great amount of knowledge, people who do will answer your questions, but I do know that generally the advice is, unless it is unsafe to do so, do not the leave your home. Seek legal advice as soon as possible- most law firms offer 1 hour free advice which can answer basic questions.
Try and get copies of import documents, such as deeds, pensions and savings statements etc.
Do not make any agreements with your ex which pertain to splitting assets etc, until you taken legal advice. Regardless of how much equity you feel is fair, the courts may deem that you are entitled to more, given that you are the primary care giver to your child. Good luck

You’ve been married/ living together for 13 years, that’s a long marriage and you won’t walk away with nothing. He doesn’t own the equity, if you both own the house it’s yours as much as his.
I was told that a starting point is putting all- house equity, pensions, savings etc in one pot and splitting it 50/50. So don’t panic and get advice from a lawyer.
Is there any chance of your h agreeing on a fair split of everything without much resistance?

@Hamster555, I`m sorry to hear that you are having/going through a rough time.

Womens Aid should be able to give you some advice on what your options are if you don`t feel safe at home with your baby.

Also, use a benefits calculator such as entitiledto, it gives you a rough idea of what benefits you could be entitled to and roughly how much.

If`when you move, would there be any chance of you moving to be closer to your parents so that they could help out with childcare?

I know this is a lot of information to take on board, but CAB should also be able to advise you.

Take care, and keep posting.

Sending you

Thank you all for your replies it means a lot to have them! I think the solicitors and cab are my best starting point and getting some docs copies is also a good idea too. I have contacted the cab and waiting a reply of when I can arrange a time to talk to them properly to discuss the best way forward then lll need to find a solicitor and go from there really I think. Just so hard to even find time to do all this working full time as atm I don't have a lot of leave left to book off time to do this. Thank you all x x

Hi hampster, so sorry you’re going through this rough stage. The solicitor at cab will probably advise that you both fill in form E. it’s a horrible form but it ensures a fair split of assets.. google it so you have a heads up.

Find a nice solicitor to go with, my divorce was upsetting and that was easy and amicable , so I’m wishing you good luck x