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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Emotional abuse, Parental Alienation and general fuckwittery

3 replies

tooearly34 · 17/10/2020 10:01

Long story, will try to keep it short.
Separated from dh for nearly two years, have a 5yo son...last year of marriage (I'd told him I wasn't happy and wanted to leave but took a year before I could afford to do so) was spent with him 'subtly' leaving books about bi-polar disorder around the house, with 'helpful' little notes asking me to read them. He flatly refused to accept that it was over and insisted that I must be mentally ill etc.

The shared parenting went well, for the most part, after I left...with a few disagreements re where our son should start school in September. I bent over backwards (despite it making my life awkward), applying only to the schools of his choice (closest to him - but, naturally, all schools refused him a place as it was in a different LA to the house (mine) where he would go to school from the most days. He was allocated a place in the school next to me. DH wasn't happy, so I agreed to appeal to the school next to him. We found out at the end of June that the appeal was not successful.

Two days later my DH fails to return my son after contact, claiming that he believes I have sexually abused him. He turns his phone off and leaves the area. He does not contact SS or police. I put in the referral with SS and ring police immediately. I file for an emergency CAO.

SS and police talk to my son - and have absolutely no concerns.
Social worker goes off on leave as she has a bereavement. Nobody in SS has her notes in time for the court hearing, so the court is unaware that there are no concerns, I represented myself - not realising that just being right wasn't enough. DH (because he has all the money) rocks up with a barrister...who convinces the court to order a Section37, and grants dh interim care order.

The whole summer was taken up with me fighting just to see my son. SS told me all along that they know there are no concerns but their hands are tied by the court ordered s37 and to just trust the process.
DH still completely unaware that his lies have not been believed, continues to make up mad lies about me - all included in the s37 report, a child and family report, and the cafcass report. SS summary was that I was child focussed and solution focussed throughout and that he was inconsistent and focussed more on tarring my name than what was best for our son. They recommended residency go to me and for him to have visitation.

The morning of the hearing (all hearings remotely done over phone conference), my solicitor rings me to say that he has now claimed that the previous day, DS had made further disclosures and that he had called the next door neighbour into the house and they both filmed him making these disclosures. The judge was extremely angry and went on a lengthy rant about his behaviour (and the fact that he was still pushing for me to have supervised access with my son at a contact centre til he turns 18). This 'evidence' was clearly a delay tactic as the videos seemed to disappear, never again to be mentioned, by the time of the second hearing a week later. The day of the second hearing, my solicitor called to say his solicitor had asked, on his behalf, if I would be willing to return to the original, pre-meltdown, shared care arrangement. I agreed, only because I was utterly desperate to have my son home immediately and the nightmare to be over. It had been nearly 3 months without him.

Anyway...I want a divorce ASAP. I am, however, utterly skint. I have been granted a fee reduction for the application...but I know he will contest it, as he won't want to (a) make things easy for me (b) have to give me a settlement.
On the basis of the above (all of which I can evidence through section 37, child and family and CAFCASS reports) what are my chances of legal aid?

OP posts:
Peacefulnight · 18/10/2020 02:23

Ohh my goodness, what have you been through because of this monster OP. I sadly don't have much constructive advice regarding the legal aspects of your situation, but I wanted to express how amazingly strong, consistent and focused you are.
I admire that tremendously, you have demonstrated your strength and resilience through the challenging, hideous Summer months, well done.
I think in similar circumstances, a lot of people would have been behind bars!

I hope and pray that you get the breakthrough that you deserve and your Son returns to your care.

I am sure that someone will something more constructive and helpful will come along at some point, I just wanted to offer some support.
I genuinely wish you and your Son all the very best.

NorahNorah · 14/05/2021 04:03

Bump

blackcurrantjam · 14/05/2021 22:33

I have no idea but o.m.g?! That's extraordinary behaviour on the part of your ex?! Just appalling!! Disgraceful?! You sound amazing! Keep going!!

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