Separating.. What happened next?

[JoanApple]

Hi, looking to hear from some single mums, who were married. I think DH and I are separating, we just don't get along any more. We have a house. Neither can afford to leave so he's staying out my way, sleeping downstairs etc. We have a toddler. How are we suppose to live like this until we sell? I only have a part time job. Where will I live? I'm so sick with worry. Who has been in this position? What did you do? How did you get through it? Thank you.

Anyone?

Try not to think about it all at once. That's some scary shit. Make a very practical list of what needs to happen. Concentrate on the next thing you can do and let the ball roll to the next one.
Is your house for sale? Are you going to get a lump of money out of the sale?

Also don't play the part time job down as a only. .. that will be great for you.
I work 20 hours and get universal credit top up. Works out fine and tho I have to be careful we are ok and no one is starving or short of anything.

Thank you @sunshinesheila Yes I should get money out the house, but with my salary I don't think I can get a decent mortgage. But I would have a deposit.

Please could you tell me more about UC? I've looked on line but it seems so complicated. I work 24 hours a week. Bringing home about 1500. I have to pay my daughter's nursery for another year before free hours too. How much would I get? Thank you.

Do the benefit calculator

If you have savings these will be depleted when on benefits. So unlikely to have a deposit for a future purchase.

Please speak to a solicitor. You may be able to stay in the family home until children are older. You may get a bigger share in the assets. All circumstances are different so it really does depend on your personal circumstance.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but we are all here to support you.

OK so we are divorcing but living in the same house it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done but 6 months in and the anger and confusion I felt at first has almost gone and we just live together but spend not time togetherm we have separate room and bathrooms. As pp said take small steps to get yourself free.
I have done.

1. Started divorce proceedings got the nisi
2. Done e benefit calculator.
3. Spoken to solicitior
4. Negotiating with husband re maintenance and contact with kids, now agreed. After much discussion.
5. Got 4 valuations on house. Putting on market in Jan.
6. Pro actively did bits round the house etgat need doing in between now and sale like painting etc.
7. Spoke to mortgage advisor about what I could borrow

JoanApple, don't you share 50/50 the nursery fees? Isn't that the way it is done? DF 50% and DM 50%.

That will make a difference.
Clear some uninterrupted time to sit down at your laptop. Look at CMS calculator. Save the calculation or print it out.
Take some time out. Another time look at UC. Just work through each question. Save or print it out.
I lived in my exh house for several months prior to moving out. I made my room a bedsit. 2 ring plug in cooker. Bought own food, kept in a corner of house fridge. I only used the house washing machine when he was out. I washed my dishes when he was out. He demanded money for bills. I left it on the table. I utterly stopped washing his clothes or cooking his meals or doing wife work. It was a crystal clear message that we were no longer a couple.
I cooked dd meals as normal in the kitchen, cleared up swiftly, took 40 mins tops, and stayed in my room, no watching tv together etc.
It is tough, doable and not permanent.

For my first year or two of separation money was tight as i was part time and on benefits but we had all we needed. I did 3 years in rented but went full time as soon as youngest went to school and have now just got myself back on the property ladder and it feels great! So, think about things in stages. Where you start is a long way away from where you end up x

I'm so overwhelmed by all these replies. I feel so alone right now and like there's so much to do and decide. But there is so much good advice here. Thank you so much.

Definitely speak to a solicitor, you will have to eventually anyway. I found useful advice from Martin Lewis.
Good luck, it's horrible but so much nicer out the other side x

It’s such a scary time so just take your time to get your head straight.

Do told me he wanted to separate in January. We decided to stay living together while we paid a few debts off (and of course lockdown meant we couldn’t do anything for a few months). This time really helped me to get my head around things. I was in such a state, I couldn’t think straight or even see what I needed to do first.

Firstly, i went on Entitled to to see how much universal credit I’d get. I too work part time, bringing in around £1300 per month. Even though I’d have around 100k equity, I didn’t think my wage would allow me much. I was surprised to learn that I’d get around £650 per month in UC so then I had a Zoom meeting with a mortgage advisor where I found out what I could borrow. It helped massively, just knowing I’d be able to afford somewhere for me and dc. That felt like a real turning point.

Last month, I put an offer in on a lovely house. Dh and I had to decide exactly how much equity I’d get from our house (he’s buying me out) which was tough but we managed to hash it out between us (thankfully, we get on very well).

Looking back, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come as it all seemed utterly insurmountable. Take it a very small step at a time and slowly and surely, you’ll get there.

On £1500 you'd probably get about £250 universal credit but also 85% of your childcare paid (up to a certain amount). If you have saving though that would reduce your universal credit or mean you couldn't get any. Equity in the house you live in wouldn't count though.