Separated parents

[SKT1208]

Can anyone please give me some advice. Following a very difficult split my child spends every other weekend with her father. His family have made it clear that I am no longer a part of their family yet they keep inviting our child to events during ‘my weekend’.
I’m not talking about special occasions such as birthdays which I appreciate can’t be helped. I do try and accommodate where I can but it feels unfair that I am expected to give up time with my child on ‘my time’
Her father and I have no contact at his insistence & request 😢

If she only spends every second weekend with her dad that means you see her 11/12 days out of 14 so "your time" is hugely disproportionate. I appreciate it is the UK norm but it certainly doesn't help create strong relationships, especially when you add extended family into the mix. I know weekends are precious so maybe suggest her dad's family do things with her in school holidays or (depending on her age) do something like a weeknight dinner (obviously at the moment COVID makes a lot of things hard). Other than that I guess for her sake be flexible where you can but make it clear that you want weekend time with her too.

It might appear that I have her most of the time but during the week she sets off for school at 7:20am & is not home until after 4:30pm then she has a lot of homework to do. Weekends are very precious

OP is your child in secondary school?

If so you really need to ask her whether she wants to go to these events and not block her going just because you want to spend time with her.

Obviously if you have someone else planned with her when an event crops up, then obviously you can explain to his family by email/text that unfortunately she can't go but don't just block it if you haven't got anything planned.

This is because when children get to secondary age they have a right to spend their weekends doing more or less what they want within reason.

If you do start blocking her from going to these events she could turn round to you, tell you she is moving to live with her dad and simply do so. I know adults who were teenagers who did this from 13 upwards.

No way would I put up with that. They are slowly changing the balance and sneaking in on your time. Agreed a working week is not the same as the weekend. I'd say no or I'd do the same and start cancelling their weekend because you have organised plans. Fk that.

I have never blocked her from spending time with her father’s family and I do always try and accommodate all requests but moving forward I would like to establish clearer boundaries. I am not talking about ‘events’ such as family birthdays, parties etc.
Now she is at secondary school it is important that she gets to spend her weekends seeing her friends here as every other weekend she is away with her father.

Just tell them you already have plans. Maybe say yes occasionally if it's something important like a birthday.

Does her dad do things with her and his family? Are they trying to go through you becaus otherwise they'd never see her?

OP if you want clearer boundaries just say "No we have other plans" or "No DD has other plans" and make sure she has something else to do instead.