How do you start the process?

[Sixeight]

How do you start the divorce process? I can't see how to start tearing my family in half, but I think it's come to the point there's no other option. I'm sat in the car after the school run not wanting to go home as dh is in a foul mood. It'd obv. not just the foul mood, there is a big back story that I've nc for as I just want to focus on the practicalities of what on earth to do, where we will all end up afterwards etc.

Prob about 400k equity in house, although it's currently mid renovations so a building site. You cant buy anything for 200k round here though, and looking at a 3mile radius on right move, lowest rent is 1.3k pcm.

Dh earns c100k, I earn c12k self employed part time. I've been out of the job market for over a decade. I've tried applying for employed jobs in the past but not even got an interview.

Two secondary age kids, one with sen.

No friends that I can go and stay with.

How do you start the divorce process? I can't see how to start tearing my family in half, but I think it's come to the point there's no other option. I'm sat in the car after the school run not wanting to go home as dh is in a foul mood.

Prob about 400k equity in house, although it's currently mid renovations so a building site. You cant buy anything for 200k round here though, and looking at a 3mile radius on right move, lowest rent is 1.3k pcm.

Dh earns c100k, I earn c12k self employed part time. I've been out of the job market for over a decade. I've tried applying for employed jobs in the past but not even got an interview.

Two secondary age kids, one with sen.

No friends that I can go and stay with.

It starts by you filing a petition for divorce in the courts and then the first thing to do is get mediation out of the way

Wikidivorce has lots of info re the procedure to follow

You can usually get a free first consultation with a solicitor too who can talk you through the process. It’s no obligation to use them and does help you just get your mind focused.

The divorce petition is the first step - you have to state a reason for the breakdown of the marriage and there are five reasons in law, including adultery, unreasonable behaviour, or being separated for two years. There are a couple of others but these are the ones most commonly given.

You can get a solicitor to do this for you (at a cost) or do it yourself online. It’s on the government website and is a form D8. The cost is £550. It’s very straightforward. Once it’s submitted to court and approved it’s served to the recipient (your husband) who then accepts or defends it.

You will have to both attend mediation and get a certificate to say you went. You can get this after the first meeting. Mediation can help you come to an agreement for the consent order (how you will split your financial assets) and arrangements for your children. It can be a lot cheaper than using solicitors if you’re able to sit and discuss things civilly together.

Once you have agreed the consent order a solicitor usually formally writes it up and sends it to court to be considered (to make sure it’s fair) and then if it’s fair it will be signed off. You can apply for the consent order once you have been granted the part of the divorce called the decree nisi. You can also apply for the final part of the divorce - the decree absolute - six weeks and one day after the decree nisi.

If it’s all straightforward the whole process should take no more than a few months. Longer and more expensive if you have a court based acrimonious divorce with barristers.

The longest part for most people is working out the consent order. If you can’t agree the court will decide and usually the primary care giver will come out better but they do try to keep it fair.

I was totally baffled before I started the ball rolling. I have just read and read loads of stuff and spoken to a few people. I can’t claim to know everything but I’m not as intimidated by it all now.

Good luck.

You can start here:
www.gov.uk/divorce