Is getting divorced more difficult than staying together?

[Scaryprospects]

I'm 2 years into separation and it seems worse now than the day i left. Not really sure the point of this post but I just need to reach out to people that are going through the same.

I get support from some friends and family that understand why i left but mostly i'm met with grief and resistance. They don't understand that emotional control and being miserable is enough grounds to leave someone.

I spoke through my options with a solicitor and it looks like its going to be a long road ahead. I haven't been in my home for all of that time and it looks like it could be years until we are.

I miss my child something chronic, the thought of what it is all doing to her is driving me crazy. She cries every time i leave and screams for mummy.

i'm being penalised for having a career whilst doing all of the child care. I always tried to encourage ex-DH to better himself and he never wanted to. Yet now it looks like I have to give him 70% because he could never be bothered.

Is it worth it? Because at the moment I am more miserable than when I left, emotionally, financially and physically. I just keep thinking what is the point in all of it. Do i just go back, deal with the crap until my DD is old enough to be independent and then go.

Every time i try to move things forward ex-DH just says you want this you can deal with it. Parents say they support me but I know deep down they are ashamed and worry for my DD's future.

Again, no real point to this message other than trying to get some perspective.

I wish I could give some practical advice , but just to say I really feel for you in this situation. Is there no way you can be in the home with your daughter? If you were doing the childcare, has that changed? Could he not move out?
Sending a virtual hug, it sounds like you're really going through it.

Thanks for your reply, it really helps. I've asked him to move out but he refuses. Solicitor says that I can move back in but I think that will be really confusing for DD. I'm just so worried about my DD in all of this, I don't care what happens to me but he will make us all suffer in the end.

I do all the school drop offs and pick ups with the exception of one morning a week. He has her 48 hours per week. Solicitor says it will be deemed as almost 50/50.

I just feel like as I work full time and she is now in school I do not get any quality time with her at all. I just want to enjoy being a Mum and I haven't been able to do that in four years because of all the issues. I'm just exhausted.

OP I have been there it’s shit and it’s hard but it does get easier and one day the fog lifts. Emotional control and being miserable is absolutely enough of a reason to leave, it’s exactly why I did. I asked exH to move out and he refused until I either bought him out if we sold up so he could get his equity. For about 7 months we lived under the same roof while this got sorted, it was horrendous and I spent my ‘nights off’ on a friends sofa or in a hotel to get a break. Funnily enough as soon as his got his equity he was out like a shot.
I’m not sure why 48 hours a week is deemed as almost 50/50 as I have DC 4days/nights and exH has 3 and this isn’t even considered 50/50 as maintenance etc are based on how many nights you have the child/children (I agreed to no maintenance payments to move things forward). Have you got advice from more than one solicitor? The first one I spoke to I just couldn’t gel with and I thought his advice (granted I have no legal background) was pretty shit so I found another who was a fantastic fit and really pushed things forward is this an option for you?
Your DD will be fine children at this age are very resilient but the mum guilt weighs even heavier in this situation. I admitted defeat at one point took myself to the GP and got signed off on the sick for a few weeks with stress to get my head in a better place. I had about 4 weeks where all I had to think about was me, DS and getting things sorted and it helped immensely. We also had some mediation as needed a third party to keep discussions on track.
With regards to family and friends mine supported me but at the same time none of them had been there and my parents have been married for a million years and so have all their friends-I genuinely think they want to support but they just don’t know how and it’s their job as parents to worry. Easy for me to say but chin up push on and it will get better. I now have my happy ending with a great partner and another child if you had told me that would happen back then I would have laughed in your face and jumped back into a bottle of wine!

It's definite worth leaving for your sty and self worth. Sound advice above, esp headspace if you can.
One day at a time. Maybe write down how you'd want your ideal life to hold on to moving to that. It is possible.

I think your solicitor should argue for more than 50/50, given that you're the main breadwinner it seems between the two of you. I know its bad to do this, but I'm guessing you could easily paint a picture to the court that your ex husband is lazy, cannot support himself financially let alone a child, not a good environment etc and limit it to maybe 80/20 or 90/10?