Final settlement options & financial planning

[Overwhelmedandanxious]

If anyone can provide any insights here I would be so grateful as I am feeling very anxious.

We've done financial disclosure which was very fraught. I now have final settlement options from a solicitor. My head is exploding and I feel ridiculously ill-equipped to be negotiating on my own (via mediation) and am petrified I will concede too much. My stbx is a complete bully and very much in his comfort zone with finances so I need to be clear in my head what I push for.

My question is - has anyone used a financial planner to help with this? I've spoken to two and the fees seem huge but in the scheme of things it might be money well spent and frankly pales next to solicitor fees. I have no benchmark.

If anyone has taken this step and doesn't mind sharing their experience/ indicating rough costs/ any recommendations I would be so grateful. Or even what your experience was like of negotiating final settlement via mediation if you had a high-earning but v tight narcissist ex.

Thank you.

I am an ex financial planning manager, the settlement option depends on your circumstances, for a rough calculation break it down

Housing, what you need for a mortgage or rent
Utilities gas, elec, water, house ins, broadband, phone
Food
Clothing
Kids sports acitvities uniforms etc
Transport costs
Any debt payments

So basically add up all your monthly expenditure

Make a list of your earnings / benefits etc

So you know what you realistically need each month, also do an online rough calculation what child maintenance you should get and finally do not forget about pensions ask for divorce sharing quotes to be provided as I say I do not practice anymore, but I would have thought the average fee for this excluding any pension transfer (because if you are awarded it will have to be moved to your name should be about £300-£500 depending on how much of the above you have already done.

@quicklybeingdrivenmad many thx for taking the time to reply. This was all done via disclosure and I have a good grasp of outgoings, benefits etc. My issue now is, knowing all this, which settlement option would benefit me most long term. I feel there could be a big difference in outcomes. The key things are equity versus pension offset and clean break v spousal maintenance which I know are the classic dilemmas! I think I'm realising that The only way to really figure it out is by assessing life time value - hence, a financial planner. I just can't get this decision wrong as the implications could affect me into retirement. Thx again.