Unfair contact time at weekends

[0palfruit]

My ex husband has since the beginning if September started to take the children alternate Fridays 5pm til Sunday evenings plus all day saturday on the weekends in between.

I have no say over this at present because my eldest just does whatever his dad says and being 14 years old I cant stop him. The youngest would prefer to more equal time with me, but he is pressured into this currently and wont let me tell his dad his feelings for fear of upsetting his dad and his brother.

I feel this is unfair as I only have 1 sunday if with my children in a 2 week period. Over 12 weeks they are with their dad for 18 weekend days compared to my 6.

Previous years the weekends have been split more 50/50 he had every sat and I every sunday with adhoc longer weekends with their dad which I always agreed to depending on plans and my youngest who has a hobby he needs to commit time to at weekends. However my ex has moved 80 miles away in with his partner and is now demanding this new contact arrangement.

He is taking me to court to try and get an order to enforce this also. Like I say at the moment I cant stop it because my eldest is adamant he will do whatever his dad wants, so bu the time the court date comes up this will be referred to as the new norm that the kids are used to.

My youngest sons sport is not running at the moment due to covid, but I fear that when it is back to normal he wont be able to participate any longer especially if the court place an order saying he has to go to his dads.

Please help.

I think court is the best option. It is unlikely they would award him every Saturday with every other weekend. However as your eldest is old enough to make his own mind up that will be taken into account. Courts will see you deserve down time with the boys as much as he does.

Courts will almost definitely give your 14yo the contact he wants because of his age.

What age is your youngest?

On the face of it he gets 2 nights a fortnight + 1 daytime visit. You get 11.

When you eventually get to court, in his favour will be he wants to continue the settled routine and its what at least one of the children want. In this scenario you dont know what the youngest will say he wants, maybe he tells his dad a different story. Also I am sure there are running clubs near his dads house, but a potential future hobby does not come before parental visitation.

He can't move his Saturday visit to a weekday as he lives 80 miles away. So I think there is a good chance a court would want to keep the children together and not reduce their dads contact from 3 days/nights a fortnight to 2.

Is their no chance you can find a compromise? Could you move the Saturday daytime to a Friday overnight and they come back early on the Saturday.

Or bring them back earlier on the Sunday?

Or you have the Saturday but he gets more time during school hols (or vice versa).

On the face of it court is a last resort and it doesn't seem you two are not that far apart, in the grand scheme of things. Just remember you still get 11 days and nights a fortnight compared to his 3.

@ZombieFan

Are you the dad here? OP asked about weekend time

"You get 11" - yes including all school days, as Dad moved away.

*On the face of it court is a last resort and it doesn't seem you two are not that far apart, in the grand scheme of things. Just remember you still get 11 days and nights a fortnight compared to his 3." - of which most of that is weekday school drudge. Which the dad has opted out of due to his "move"

OP - is this about money - so he doesnt have to pay maintenance? Keep notes - so if he wont take DC to their interests - that counts. But yes - hopefully the court will listen to your oldest's views. That seems fair - so make sure he really understands the implications. (That doesnt include bad-mouthing dad).

I'm not selfish and I let my children who are 13 and 11 chose what they want to do in regards to contact and so does their dad. They go most weekends to their dads and half school holidays. I realise it's not about me but the children. I get plenty of evenings with them, their dad deserves his time.

@0palfruit was the original agreement EOW?

How is the travelling organised?

I know it’s hard to hear but children aren’t possessions to be shared. If your 14 year old is saying this is what he wants to do then you have to go with it. FWIW, DH’s 16 year old DD decided a few months ago that she only wants to come on an adhoc basis whereas the 10 year old comes fortnightly so I do understand. You may get further with the younger one and be able to change things