Coping with divorce stress

[Riskybiscuits]

Just looking for some ideas and support really from others with experience.

Been separated a year, now at decree nisi stage. STBXH being uncooperative about sorting finances, months into trying to get consent order arranged. He cheated on me (EA and some physical contact admitted to) but is/was very keen to try again and does not want to get divorced.

He has a victim narrative and does lots of passive aggressive things to delay progress for consent order, act ignorant to what he is required to do and ignore solicitor contact. Appealing to him in person gets me nothing but grief.

I am so desperate to move on with my life and hate that he still has control over this. I want to take on the mortgage myself, save for my DCs and change jobs, but it all is contingent on getting finances sorted. I also have recently started dating someone else, but feel afraid that if STBXH learns of my new relationship he will make things even more difficult.

Any advice on how to get through this would be helpful. Rationally I know I need to compartmentalise the stress; but every email from solicitor saying there is still no progress or we need another letter or start mediation fill me with frustration and upset. I am worn down. I know it could be so much worse and do try to focus on how lucky I am we can agree on things RE: DCs.
I have supportive friends and family and am trying to drink less/exercise more. My life has generally been so much better since the split but I'm feeling pretty low again at the moment.

I'm in a not dissimilar situation.

I've issued Form A to stop my STBX piddling around. He likes to be in control and has delayed and delayed. I've had enough, at least the Court will give him a deadline. Hopefully we can negotiate without getting as far as Court but I am hoping it gives him a kick up the bum and stops him messing everyone around.

Good luck :)

@noideawhatusernametochoose is it working? I'm on the verge of filing form A but keep being talked out of it to give mediation another shot.

I'm still waiting for a court date - but he'll have to comply with that date and get the information he should have provided months and months ago... well that's the theory! He's ignored any mediation deadlines so there was no point in us continuing that route.

File form A. Mine stalled for 15 months. Now we have a court date and he’s finally filled in his form E (incorrectly, and tried to hide money but still it’s a move in the right direction 😄). Prepare for things to go south when he realises he’s losing control

He sounds like a controlling bully, so get your MIAM exemption and file Form A. It will take months to get a court date for an FDA anyway, so this may give him the nudge he needs. However it doesn’t guarantee he will be honest on the Form E! I’ve managed to save costs by doing everything myself so far (including the divorce) and paying for adhoc solicitors advice as and when required. My case is now going to an FDR in January and then possibly a Final Hearing if things are still not resolved. I would suggest trying to save costs where you can as the FDR and Final Hearing will cost a lot in barristers fees. Unfortunately dealing with the Courts is an absolute joke at the moment. They have failed to inform me of important dates and lost my paperwork. You really need to be proactive where your ex and the Courts are concerned. Wikivorce is a good source of information and support. You will feel much better taking control of the situation, and taking the power away from your ex.