Hi @Emancipated, we do 50/50. Trying to be as amicable as possible. It sounds like your children are young.
The pattern is splitting the week so Mon Tues with 1, Wed Thu with 2, Weekend with 1, Mon Tues with 2 etc etc. Weekends can be flexible for family occasions but we haven't really come across that yet. We spent Xmas Day together last year.
10 months on we are still getting used to it, but it's ok. My child is 9, so I didn't want more than a 3 day gap at this stage. It's very difficult to not see your child every day. I've found that my daughter also struggles with this aspect. She is independent, but this has been a testing year for her. An emotional roller coaster. She calls regularly when not with me. I always try to pick up when she does. It's interesting because she doesn't ask to call her father that often.
The homes are equidistant from school and within walking distance of each other. I think that helps enormously. We are amicable but it's good not to have to deal with him for drop off/collection as it's done via school. It's also less emotional for the child not to say goodbye to you in the home.
Split the clothes, toys, belongings between the homes so there are familiar things at both. My daughter sometimes struggles at her dad's - it's a rented flat and she says it doesn't feel like 'home'. I'm not sure how to deal with that as he's procrastinating about buying a place. Despite being a high earner, he's got no savings. 😉
General childcare administration is difficult. WhatsApp groups get set up by parents for social outings for the weekends you don't have your kids. It's usually the mums who arrange these things - you have to go in and get Ex-P added in. That highlights that your life is different every time.
Now that we've split, I can see clearly that he has narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies. It's a relief not to have to regularly deal with that manipulation.
Try to keep busy/occupied when you are on your own... podcasts, box sets, decorate etc. It's very artificial but ultimately you will be ok and it's quite nice to have some free time. I find the lone week nights quite refreshing - no bedtime routine when you are knackered after work! - but the weekends are long and lonely sometimes. You just have to go with that.