I think my husband has been abusing me. Well, the things he's been doing are apparently clear signs of emotional and psychological abuse. For example, gas lighting, stonewalling etc...
We have a 21 month old son. I'm general, my husband doesn't talk to me very nicely.
I've not been happy for some time but the thought of a broken family and having to give up time with my son has had me to scared to leave.
I'm also frightened that what If it is me. I've never been too lucky in relationships. Maybe it's me that likes to self sabotage. Maybe I'm imagining the stuff going on or being a drama queen. I don't want to make the mistake of leaving to find I'm just a sucker for ruining my own life.
Someone made a valid point of once telling me that I am allowed to just be unhappy to end a relationship, I don't have to be being abused. That's so true.
But I think I am being abused. I'm just don't think he knows he's doing it and I feel sorry for him that I'm accusing him of such things when really, it's just his personality.
I'm pretty sure he's dad is a narcissist. My husband has the same characteristics. And is infact getting worse.
But he has been suffering with depression and hasn't been happy with his life for a few years. Jobs-fatherhood-not having time for himself like he used too.......he's been totally selfish when it comes to being a father I know.
But I don't think he is a horrible person. I'm worried I'm going to hurt someone who is just misunderstood.
Ok.... So actually there's been times I'm certain he knows he hurting me, or upsetting me or controlling me. But he turns it around on me and I doubt myself that maybe I did so something to set him off.
He's never hurt me physically. But he cannot apologise, ever, and there's been times that I've been accidentally hurt one way or another, and he has almost looked smug. He hates that I've mentioned he can't apologise cos he's whole family are the same, and so he almost looked chuffed that he didn't hurt me on purpose so knew I had to right to ask for an apology.
He does so many things that wind me up rotten. He's actually quite disgusting when it comes to certain things but I never say anything anymore cos when I used to bring things up, that's when he'd give me the silent treatment for days.
But what I'm frightened off is that, he's just been made redundant. Another thing on his checklist of 'reasons I hate my life'.
I'll absolutely destroy him if I leave him now. Even though he knows I'm not happy. He must be able to tell but it seems like most days he ignores it.
Also, it's frustrating cos he was getting so nasty to me that I thought, one more thing and I'm asking him to leave, but he has managed to find some Labouring work for the next month and he really enjoyed his first day meaning, last night he came home in a fairly good mood. It probably won't last long but am I being premature leaving him at a time that he's so down. What if all it takes is for him to find something he's happy with and bam....... He's a happy person again and nice to me.
Again though, even when we moved in together and he actually enjoyed his job, he would still give me the silent treatment and always be totally unreasonable if I ever wanted a discussion about something. I'm not sure we're even compatible to be honest. He actually drives me insane with some of the things he does. Like he will bitch and moan about a friend and then if I come home the next day and I want to rant about a rude checkout person, he tells me I'm being negative and nasty and not to tell him about it.
What the heck do I do????