Who looks after DC after divorce?

[JoanApple]

Told DH I am done and want to divorce. He is kicking off about DC. He works long hours, sometimes leaves before we wake up, and back for a late dinner. If we can't agree on who is having DC on what days, how likely is the court to award him 50% even though he isn't around to look after DC? DC will end up in extended childcare, when they could be with me. Just so he gets his 'nights'. Is EOW + one weekday unreasonable? Do they stick with the 'status quo' or allow him 50%?

I’ve no idea on the courts but I was in a similar situation. My husband kicked off massively when I asked for a divorce, he originally wanted to be the main residential parent, then 50/50. He too works long hours, before lockdown and home working he frequently wouldn’t see the children during the week, he’s now realised 50/50 isn’t practical for him. I pointed out it shouldn’t be just him caring for the kids half the time, I’d want him to be responsible for half of everything, their appointments, their play dates, their clubs. That I wouldn’t be packing up a bag of clean clothes and washing the dirty stuff when they got home, etc. He’s now agreed to every other weekend whilst they’re little with some flexibility depending on what the children want.

Thank you for replying @PopcornPugs. Yes your point about 50% of all activities, washing etc is a good one. I hope your life is better now on the other side x

This is a hard one because it comes down to the judges opinion on the day. While they do seem to generally like 50/50 nowadays, they’re still meant to go with whatever situation is best for the children. It’s not best for the children to be in extended childcare when they can be at home with a parent. Are they old enough to give their own opinions? As pp said, he might reconsider himself when faced with the logistics of juggling work and childcare

Thanks @scweltish. I would have thought 50/50 is a bit unfair on the child to be pulled from one place to the other, and believe that 1 main home is more secure. But like you say, maybe a judge on the day won't agree. Our DC is a toddler.

Will his work pattern remain the sane post divorce? Many men do change their work pattern post divorce and can accommodate childcare.
Many working parents also use childcare so that in itself is not ‘bad’ or a reason me necessarily to not have some nights

What is he proposing and how dies he intend to Fulfil it

As with all things I gave friends who’ve done 50:50 and it worked out really well, others not so much but depends on parents I think

I think often asking for 50/50 is based on the wrong assumption that then you don't by have to pay child maintenance. This isn't true in all cases, especially where one parent is still the primary parent for the "mental load" like all the organisation and planning.

You don't want to go to court though. It's expensive and not always best for the children.