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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Spousal maintenance anyone?

25 replies

Chumpnomore · 12/09/2020 15:42

Hi, going through messy divorce via courts.
At settlement proposal stage and solicitor says she's going to push for spousal maintenance due to long marriage and my reduced earning capacity.
Anyone had experience in being successful in claiming this? We don't now have children under 18 so wouldn't be receiving maintenance for them. Is it common for it to be agreed? STBX earns four times my salary. Any thoughts gratefully received

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/09/2020 15:43

When you say he earns 4 x your salary, can you specify how much? I only ask because it's rarely paid unless you're a high earner and by higher earner I mean 6 figures.

RandomMess · 12/09/2020 15:51

I know of friends that have been awarded it and he only earned about £60k plus company car.

I this usually time limited to give you a chance to sort yourself out etc.

MollyButton · 12/09/2020 15:57

My solicitor is pushing for this too but we have a 10x difference. The alternative is a big enough settlement to provide the income needed.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 12/09/2020 16:03

I got it in your situation. The aim was to equalise our positions as much as possible. Ex earned about 5 times my salary.

RandomMess · 12/09/2020 16:13

Thing is with spousal they can take it back to court annually to have it stopped/revised whereas split is assets is final.

bathorshower · 12/09/2020 16:23

A relative received spousal maintenance for some years following her divorce, but then her ex decided to stop paying. I believe his financial situation had changed; her solicitor advised that it wasn't worth pursuing. A final settlement would preclude that.

millymollymoomoo · 12/09/2020 17:25

How long is long?
And how old are you both?

ivfbeenbusy · 12/09/2020 18:13

Why is your earning capacity reduced?? Why do you feel you are owed Spousal maintenance? Just because you were married??

Like others have said it's highly unusual unless the other partner earns mega money and it's usually time limited

Secretsout · 12/09/2020 19:35

I was awarded SM. I earned £20k, Ex earned £180k. I receive £500 per month.

It's a noose around me neck and my Ex has berated and belittled me for the last 3 years claiming that he funds my lifestyle.

It's also very 'hit and miss'....I'm not sure of the correct expression....but in essence, he can stop paying whenever he feels like it (he often has) and he can go back to court for variation.

I would really push for a complete clean break and go for pension sharing etc (we didn't as my Ex made it clear that he'd make my life hell if I went for the pension)

Original poster

Chumpnomore · 12/09/2020 19:44

@MollyButton @bathorshower @RandomMess @BatshitCrazyWoman
Thanks so much for your comments. Its really helpful to hear what people have experienced.
We have been married for 25 years and he earns 70k plus. I am 50 hes 57
@ivfbeenbusy I didn't think I am owed it. My solicitor said she was going to ask for it as my earning capacity is comprised as unfortunately I can only work part-time due to having MS. Thanks everyone for the advice.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chumpnomore · 12/09/2020 19:47

@Secretsout woh, I'm so sorry, sounds horrible for you. Its really helpful to have this advice

OP posts:

RandomMess · 12/09/2020 19:49

You should ask for it!!!!!

Just don't take it along with accepting a lower asset split because of it.

Make it time limited of 1-2 yeas until you find you feet and are settled in your new home and financial circumstances etc.

Presumably you did all the child rearing supporting him to have a higher earning career etc? That is what financial settlements are about compensation your past and future lower earning capacity.

FVFrog · 12/09/2020 20:13

@Chumpnomore I have just been through this, my financial settlement was signed by the judge in July, it was agreed through mediation. I have spousal support for the next 10 years for a substantial amount, the equity split ended up about 55/45 in my favour but I had to trade off share options and pension to get enough equity from the house to buy a home for myself and for two university aged kids to have a base to come to in the holidays. I do still have a pension pot but it won’t be enough to retire on and I fully expect to downsize and release equity for an income. I got spousal maintenance due to my age, length of marriage and sacrifices to my own previous professional career (including two moves aboard one of where I had no option to work due to visa status) to enable his unhindered career progression which necessitated extensive time away from the home for work related travel. There is consequently a massive income discrepancy and my ability to get up to anything like the earning potential and build a pension pot has been severely compromised by my non earning contribution to the family. He earns a 6 figure salary with additional benefits.
Your solicitor would not suggest it if they thought you did not have a strong case for it.
Please private message me if you would like more details and good luck, it is truly a shot situation to be in

FVFrog · 12/09/2020 20:15

*shit situation! Just read your MS update, sorry to hear this and yes it will be taken into account.

Thedogisdrivingmemad · 12/09/2020 20:54

I can't say enough how grateful I am that I pursued a clean break, so the spousal maintenance was included in that upfront (amortised I think is the term).
I knew I'd have problems with exdh if I received a monthly payment. I don't want to out myself but lo and behold he had started a family with someone else about five minutes after we separated and could have used this to change the spousal maintenance amount.

He earned 20x more than me. I had taken a huge hit on my career and if I had carried on doing my original job, I would have earned maybe half of his huge salary and saved a pension. So it was fair and reasonable there should be an adjustment but it was a supplement to my income for the five or so remaining years I'd have dc at home to give me time to build some sort of career.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/09/2020 21:01

@ivfbeenbusy. Just my personal opinion, but I can see a case for spousal maintenance when, for example, a spouse had to move around a lot for the other’s career, hence it was difficult to build their own career because they kept having to start again in a new location.

Or if they financially supported them during a degree or long-term training that resulted in a significant pay increase for their spouse.

Just my thoughts on the matter. The OP has health issues that limit her earning capacity.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/09/2020 21:02

I agree with @Thedogisdrivingmemad, ask for an upfront payment so you can make a clean break.

millymollymoomoo · 12/09/2020 21:44

Spousal is still awarded although 70k isn’t considered particularly high earning so if awarded I don’t think it would be huge amounts
Personally I’d try to secure more capital

Original poster

Chumpnomore · 12/09/2020 22:06

@Thedogisdrivingmemad this is helpful. It seems the opinion from you and others, that even if spousal is awarded, it carries a huge risk.
@AmICrazyorWhat2 @millymollymoomoo i'm certainly going to give this more thought. Maybe it just complicates things by adding on a maintenance payment. Definitely helpful before I speak with solicitor again. Thanks all!

OP posts:

Thedogisdrivingmemad · 12/09/2020 22:20

Seriously even if you trust him to pay now, your relationship could change.
If he has a good job now, that could change.

With SM paid upfront you can plan better.

I am incredibly glad I can live without my financially controlling ex sniffing around about what I earn or spend.

Fortunately the courts and therefore solicitors (as they are led by this) seem to prefer a clean break now.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 13/09/2020 07:04

If I could have had my SM capitalised I would have done. I did however get a large enough share of the equity in the house to buy a home outright, and a large pension share.

@ivfbeenbusy I was married 29 years and we have a disabled DC. It was very difficult to find care for that DC to enable me to work and my exh made it clear I was the one who would have to take time off for all DCs medical and therapy appointments, days off school due to sickness, inset days, school holidays ... oh and I 'wasn't allowed' to work weekends. I would have loved a career, it's one of the things my shitty, abusive, alcoholic ex-husband stole from me.

KihoBebiluPute · 13/09/2020 07:27

if capital assets are sufficient for you to take a larger slice of those in lieu of reasonable SM that would be better as a clean break is preferable to having financial ties ongoing. but sometimes there aren't sufficient assets for this.

do not doubt that you are owed this though. think back to what your life could have been like if instead of marriage and children you had chosen to maximise your career and earning potential. how different is your current situation from that might-have-been? that is what you sacrificed for the marriage yet your STBX didn't need to make such sacrifices and has much greater earning power as a result. on the end of the marriage your positions should be equalised as far as possible and his undamaged earnings potential is a huge weight on his side of the scales to start off with.

Original poster

Chumpnomore · 13/09/2020 08:51

@BatshitCrazyWoman i'm so sorry to read your story. This is a prime example of no ones situation is black and white and there are often complex reasons to consider. Although we know bringing up our children is the most important job, it doesn't change the consequences of this. I don't regret in anyway being the main care giver for our entire married life, however i wish we had had more of a partnership and equality as now our earning capacity / job prospects are poles apart. Really hope you get comfort from doing such a great 'job' being there for your kids. @KihoBebiluPute thanks for this. Its really useful to know about clean breaks being preferable and this is certainly an option. I need to be independent from him and after years of bullying. It is hard to accept you are 'owed' anything. Ive been told for years by him he is smarter, more talented and better than me, just because he's got a PhD and had worked his way up at work! Thanks again everyone

OP posts:

MollyButton · 13/09/2020 17:06

I would rather have a clean break but at present my Ex is sticking at a strict 50:50 including pension but trying to exclude a 100k inheritance (although I think we've just disproved that was ring fenced during marriage).

FVFrog · 14/09/2020 22:48

I would have preferred a clean break but there wasn’t enough to capitalise. It’s not a great position to be in but I had no choice if I wanted a reasonable standard of living. It’s a horrible feeling, I don’t want to be dependent on someone who has treated me and our 30 year relationship with such little regard. If I had my time again I would never have sacrificed my career in the way I did, but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I am where I am.

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