Want a divorce

[Notanapplelover]

After 10y and 2 DCs, and a house together, we got married mid-August, yet, I already truly want a divorce. Not even sure why we did it. It is as if switch got flipped in me: I hate the way he eats, how he constantly wants better car, better house, better school for DCs (first just started primary last week!). Honestly, I listen and look at him, and see completely different person to what I have lived with for the last 10y. It started with petty arguments about housework- I found myself a job 2 months ago and realised just how much I am doing at home, without him 'helping'- it shouldn't even be 'help', as he lives here, too. Absolutely hate my feelings towards him, but IDK if I have reached point of no return. Not sure what I want from this post, sorry to bother you all.

Have you discussed it with him? Told him he needs to do more at home?

His wanting 'better' constantly isn't necessarily a problem...isn't that just ambition?

Thank you for replying Furtunes. The ambition thing is over the top: we already have top of the range Mercedes, live in a good house, Dc got into local school, which is walkable distance. DH wants more and more just to show off.
The housework is another kettle of fish: I work 30h pw now, he does 40+. When he gets home- it's 'his time'- can not even ask him to put plates into dishwasher! Whenever I say something, it's always: 'I have worked all day'! It wasn't a big problem before as I was at home, but now I am not and I get tired, too. I feel I've just opened my eyes and saw what a misogynist he really is.
Spoke to him about it lots of time, we have been arguing for the last 3 weeks non-stop and I am ready to quit!

Well it does sound bad...he's not even tried. Have you got enough money to support yourself? Will you take the kids? How do you think he's going to take it all?

Just get a cleaner you can obviously afford it.

I reckon you married for the money on offer

It's only been a month, surely you need to work on your relationship!

If things were good enough 4 weeks ago to be happy to get married, it can't be so bad it is unsalvageable after only a few weeks.

Has he changed since you got married or was he like this before?

ABC, he was the same I guess, but I wasn't working and didn't mind (well, I did actually!) that much, but now I am working and he is still not doing anything at home.
I wouldn't be able to support myself and children on my salary alone, but I wouldn't want to have them 100 %, either- more or less 50:50. I think I am just very very tired and just want some peace and rest for me :(

TheBusDriver, yes, I did marry him for the money :(

Well divorcing him now isn't going to get you a good share. You need to put a 12 year stint in for it to be seen as a long marriage and worthy of walking away with money.

Counselling?

Cleaner?

Both?

You must have loved home once surely?

I would just leave his plate where he left it and if he's got a problem with it, tell him where the dishwasher is.

Just get a bloody cleaner .. !!! Everyone lives and gives employment to someone who wants it ... make sure he pays 50% though ..

Ok, so you married him for money, that’s fine, changes nothing. Financial security is high on your priority list and there’s nothing wrong with that. You are finding out marriage is not working for you.
What is it you would like him to do to make it work, make a list and see what can be outsourced like getting a cleaner.
It seems to me that issues run deeper here though. Is there still love, affection, intimacy? Do you still have time for each other? Those things obviously cannot be outsourced. What are your life goals and how they align with his? Do they align?

And on a practical note, you cannot divorce until you’ve been married for a year (uk at least, don’t know about elsewhere). So you have another 11 months to work out what’s going on