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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Dating while separated and living in the same house!

14 replies

sunnysunshine40 · 08/09/2020 13:31

I've been separated from my husband for almost 6 months and we are still living in the same house, and probably will do for a short while longer yet.
I just wondered if anyone has started dating again while living under the same roof and separated.

I've been on a couple of dates but neither have worked out, and just think its probably best to leave it until things are alot more sorted and settled where I am so I can do it properly.

So if you have dated while separated and living in the same house, how did it go?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 08/09/2020 13:34

Please don't. No decent man will want to date a woman who is still living with her husband. All you'll get is someone who is just happy to have a shag.

Likewise, I wouldn't date a man who was living with his wife.

Original poster
sunnysunshine40 · 08/09/2020 15:04

Yes you're so right. My head has very much been in the clouds with this. I've been really keen to meet someone else especially as my marriage had been rubbish for a long time. But of course, most men would assume that I would be looking for a shag when I most definitely am not, because of my current situation.

I wouldn't date a man who was living with his wife, so equally I shouldn't assume that could work well with the boot on the other foot.

I think I'll have to be patient with this and just start dating again when I'm on the other side of all this!

OP posts:
parched · 18/09/2020 11:11

STBXH and I still living in same house and will be at least for rest of this year. We have agreed that if either of us were to meet someone then the current living arrangements could not continue.

Flittingaboutagain · 18/09/2020 11:15

I think only men who want sex or men with 'issues' would want to get involved with you to be honest as there are plenty of divorced women with no ex's in the mix for them to date.

Original poster
sunnysunshine40 · 18/09/2020 13:02

Yes you're absolutely right @Flittingaboutagain another reason why its best to wait. I'm really not interested in meeting someone just for sex!

Its shit enough as it is without making the situation worse.

OP posts:
Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 18/09/2020 13:07

Dear god, you're still living with him and married to him and already wanting to jump into another relationship? Just stop! NotSuch is spot on.

Original poster
sunnysunshine40 · 18/09/2020 13:58

I know that now @Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd Smile

Things had been so awful for such a long time that I really didn't want to waste another minute! But in reality, I can now see that is definitely not the best idea or the best thing to do Blush

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 18/09/2020 14:43

You're welcome. You still have processing to do really, you have no idea how you'll feel when you both move out/sell up, have to pack up all the joint things and decide who gets what, live on your own and really remember who you were and rediscover who you are now your marriage has sadly ended etc....you will be dumping a lot of baggage on any potential partner if you don't work on yourself first, alone. You may also attract a bad mate because you haven't explored any baggage.

Best of luck for a happier future.

Original poster
sunnysunshine40 · 29/03/2021 13:40

Six months on and still living together. Divorce in process but my god its hard. Really want to meet someone nice. I had a brief 1 month fling with someone that made me feel rubbish and has now ended. I just want to move on with my life and get all this sorted out asap Sad

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 29/03/2021 13:48

I had a brief 1 month fling with someone that made me feel rubbish and has now ended.

See, thats the sort of man you'll get whilst still living with your husband!

Whereabouts in the divoce proceedings are you? It takes up to 2 years. Honestly, i'd focus on improving my career prospects, pension and earning power rather than dating. Plenty of time for that

ThereforeIAm · 29/03/2021 13:51

Ex and I had to live together while separated. We did agree not to see anyone else as it would have complicated things (young children at home.) I think if either of us had met someone else they would have moved out.

Original poster
sunnysunshine40 · 29/03/2021 15:21

@StephenBelafonte about 8 weeks from decree nisi. We've been separated since March 2020 and divorce proceedings began in the autumn.

Yes absolutely the kind of man I should have expected to meet Sad I should have remembered this thread and the good advice I got months ago but I feel so impatient. Confused

OP posts:
HomicidalPsychoJungleCat · 02/04/2021 14:45

Im going to disagree with pp. both exh and i have new partners and live together still. Partners are both decent and we make it work by giving one another freedom to go out wherever possible. It can work.

MotherForker · 02/04/2021 14:51

Getting in with your life doesn't mean jumping into another relationship. I'm newly divorced and made a conscious decision to stay completely single for a while. Work out myself, what I went etc.

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