Leaving family home

[Jimd2020]

Hi, a guy on the other side here looking for advice really from a different perspective.

Have a wife and 2 children which I adore and who are my everything.
Have a mortgaged home with wife.

We are amicable albeit with an atmosphere in the air which the children are picking up on.

I'm looking to move out and rent somewhere close by to avoid jeapordising the amicable relatioship we have at the moment. (We have verbally agreed on all parts of the seperation such as children, finances, debts etc, the plan being to put a separation agreement together outlining all of this) I've spoken to a family law solicitor not an official paid session, just a free phone call who has advised that it's ok to move out and it won't affect my rights in anyway as long as the wife puts in writing that but reading these posts and others on the forum I'm questioning the advice?

Ultimately I will be moving out I feel, she wouldn't move without the children and I wouldn't want the home without them so it makes sense for her to stay (she has agreed to pay mortgage and all bills with the view of buying me out of my share to allow me to buy elsewhere)

There isn't talk of divorce as yet so the presumption is we would go for the 2 year seperation way as there is no blame.

Am lost with the minefield of conflicting information about, would appreciate some advice.

@millymoo1202

You are right in that you have a legal right to be in the home but what are you going to achieve? My ex and I separated over a year ago and are still in same house, mainly due to him dragging his feet at every opportunity, he could’ve rented or bought against this home. If you wish to kill your relationship with the mother of your children and most probably your kids then go ahead and stay. I know what I would’ve done if I’d been in his financial situation!

Wait what. You were saying to follow advice which was not to leave the home and now you are saying to leave the home which was my plan?

I haven’t been able to leave as all cash savings are in his name and he won’t give me my half until house has been sold but won’t agree to that either! Believe me if I earned over 70k a year, kids and I would’ve moved out straight away but we are stuck in this situation and it’s killing his relationship with the kids. He also won’t agree to CMS calculations online just being difficult and dragging this out as long as possible

I didn’t say to leave, I said you have a legal right to stay. Think you are getting your Milly mixed up

Moving out means there is no incentive for her to do anything regarding divorce settlement. I am in the opposite situation, I have moved out of the family home and renting with our 2 x kids as their father was being really difficult and I felt my children’s happiness now was the most important thing, I couldn’t have stayed 2 more years!! It’s given us chance to move on and have a fresh start. Ex is dragging things, so from a money side I haven’t helped myself, but my own, and my children’s happiness, in the here and now was my top priority. In your situation I think the children will thank you when they are older that they had 2 x stable homes and not one with tension, and you will get a settlement eventually.

@Groundhogdayzz

Moving out means there is no incentive for her to do anything regarding divorce settlement. I am in the opposite situation, I have moved out of the family home and renting with our 2 x kids as their father was being really difficult and I felt my children’s happiness now was the most important thing, I couldn’t have stayed 2 more years!! It’s given us chance to move on and have a fresh start. Ex is dragging things, so from a money side I haven’t helped myself, but my own, and my children’s happiness, in the here and now was my top priority. In your situation I think the children will thank you when they are older that they had 2 x stable homes and not one with tension, and you will get a settlement eventually.

I'm not rushing to get the house money and if it waits til we finally divorce then I'm ok with that, my assumption would be that she would rather sort it quicker as I'll get more equity if she waits.

@Jimd2020 end of the day, everything sounds amicable and friendly. Only you know your wife and if you can trust her.

Personally, if myself and dh separated due to just running our course and there was no ill will, not a chance would I screw him over. I'd go for a fair split and I know he would too.

Unfortunately the majority of people have bad experiences in this situation and therefore are, understandably, jaded.

Question is, do you trust her enough to risk coming out with an awful settlement, in the belief she wouldn't do this? Nobody on MN knows your wife and knows if she has a hidden agenda so can't really help in that sense.

Trouble is often things start amicable
Then she meets someone and moves them it or you meet someone etc and rapidly things go downhill

Hopefully not the case but happens often.

Depends on what part of the UK you are in, the law is different. My split sounds similar re finances part. We had the house valued so we knew exactly how equity in it and I agreed to pay half mortgage until settlement agreement was signed (tho he paid half the rent too as we were sharing cost of kids homes). Upon that he remortgaged and I got my share of the equity as per the agreement, we now only share costs of kids (50/50 custody no maintenance). This is all in the settlement agreement but this is a legal thing in Scotland.