Financial settlement after long separation

[SlipperyLizard]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible!

My mum married my stepdad about 25 years ago, but they haven’t lived together (my mum “left” him by leaving the country for a few years!) or had any life as a married couple for about 18 years. They never formally separated. My mum has been having an affair with a married man for almost a decade.

My mum has now decided to get a divorce, and wants my SD to sell his house (which was never the matrimonial home) and give her half the proceeds plus split his pension etc.

I think she’s taking the piss - they’ve been financially independent of each other for far longer than they lived together, she’s contributed nothing (he spent money when he moved in with us (rented house) on furniture etc, and supported us financially). They both worked full time when they lived together, roughly equal earnings (neither well paid) no giving up of earnings capacity or anything. Us kids were teenagers when they married.

Surely a court wouldn’t award a 50/50 split? I know she’ll drag it all the way to court as she’ll think she’s right, just want to understand how it might pan out.

Honestly, i'd butt out if I were you and leave the pair of them to it.

Have you any idea of their joint assets 18 years ago? Did they own/rent their home? Were they mega-bucks rich? Did your mum make massive financial sacrifices during the marriage that she hasn't been able to recover from?

I think your mum is clutching at straws, I'm sure a solicitor will advise swiftly.

I'm sure the actual divorce/financial dealings could be a simple paper exercise after all this time. Unless she really pushes, which could prove incredibly expensive and pointless.

He needs to speak to a solicitor.

Your mum sounds like a greedy chancer

Ha ha, you’ve summed my mum up nicely there!

I’m not planning on doing anything/saying anything and he does have a solicitor, let’s hope they’re sensible!

Long complex story but we were pretty poor before they met (house had been repossessed, we were renting). His arrival made us more comfortable although he wasn’t rich either.

18 years ago joint assets were nil (probably just debt) due to a failed business that my mum had forced my SD to invest in.

I can’t see how she’s got any claim, I won’t say anything though cos she won’t listen to me.

18 years ago joint assets were nil (probably just debt) due to a failed business that my mum had forced my SD to invest in.

She's got no hope in that case. Hopefully she'll be put straight soon enough by her solicitor or waste a tonne of money.

Has she been in touch with your sd in all this time? If she's moved about a bit, is there any possibility that he's already divorced her?

She doesn’t have a solicitor (she has no money, although she says she paid for some initial advice I expect she didn’t like what they told her!). I know how painful (and expensive for my SD) that’s going to make the whole process if she does go to court, as she has no hope of understanding the rules or seeing reason.

Definitely still married, they have been in touch/met at family events etc. She’s civil to him but no more than that.

I’m glad my instinct that she had no chance was right - it won’t stop her wasting SD’s money on legal fees, but at least he should be able to keep his house! It seems so vindictive after all this time to make a financial claim on him when she left him all those years ago, lives independently (although not wealthy - but that’s not his fault) and is having a long term affair.

In her head, a 50/50 split is totally justified.

If there is no case for 50:50 (sd would need assurance from his own solicitor) it is fairly straightforward to represent yourself against ridiculous claims. If he can prove they had zero joint assets (or she CANNOT prove joint assets) I doubt it would even get that far.

Financial stuff does need rubber-stamping after divorce but it is usually a paper exercise; it sounds like your mum doesn't have much of a case if any - and a solicitor and barrister would be £££

Thanks, I might have a quiet word with my SD about when he might not need his solicitor - although I doubt he’ll have the confidence so it will probably end up costing him. I could help him but I don’t think my relationship with my mum would survive, and although she’s pretty toxic at times my DDs adore her. My mum won’t ask for my help because deep down she knows she’s wrong on the financial settlement and that I’d refuse (beyond helping with the basics of divorcing, which I’d happily help with - it really should have happened years ago).

What a mess.