Can ex just move away outwith DS catchment area and absolve all responsibility?

[toucancancan]

My ex is talking about moving about 40 mins away from where DS go to school. He works shifts which means he wouldn't be able to pick them up from school, have them overnight and take them to school the next day. How can make him accountable and take responsibility for being a dad? Would it mean going to court?

Basically you can’t

You can't

You can't even take him to court if you're the resident parent.

I learned this the VERY hard way.

How long have you been separated? What effort is he currently making if any to be an engaged and involved parent?

Quite honestly based on my own experiences and witnessing what other single parents have been through I now strongly advise newly single parents that if the non resident parent is acting disinterested not to flog a dead horse!

I made that mistake and it would have been MUCH better for dd if I'd simply let ex slip out of her life when she was still too young to remember him (in my case) and would advise even those with older children the same so that the disinterested parent swiftly departs rather than dragging it out!

Sorry it's hard but that's the truth

Essentially - you can't.

You can't force contact; even if a court awarded, say, 50/50 (which it wouldn't if he didn't want it anyway; no court will award more contact to him than he asks for), he can't be forced to actually do it, I'm afraid.

Well you can go to court and seek a defined contact arrangement which will involve all the parties when and how frequently he would see the children so at least you would know when he is available etc

Thanks, appreciate your honesty. Not married, separated two years. He makes the effort when it suits after putting his social life and new partner first. He just doesn't seem to think that is unreasonable, as he 'deserves' his own life.

@slaveforpeppa thanks will look into that

Fewer overnights he has the more maintenance you are entitled to, not much of a silver lining...

@slaveforpeppa

Well you can go to court and seek a defined contact arrangement which will involve all the parties when and how frequently he would see the children so at least you would know when he is available etc

But the unfortunate issue here is that even if you do, he can't be forced to stick to it. A court could set out, "every second weekend", he could agree in court - and then not do it, with no penalty.

He makes the effort when it suits after putting his social life and new partner first.

This is very common and will likely get worse rather than better especially if he has more dc with new partner

My ex cheated and even though in every other way she's a nice person and very much on board with seeing dd she's actually great with dd, them being together and having dc of their own very much meant ex made less and less effort with dd - his choice though to hear him tell it, it was all my fault of course!

By the time he told dd their dc no 3 was on the way dd burst into tears as he was barely seeing her at that stage as it was. Right enough he saw her even less and by the time dc 4 came along he'd stopped all contact - it was wife 2 who contacted dd to tell her about dc 4 & 5

I know it's a tough truth to "hear" but will hopefully save you and dc greater heartbreak in the long term

@toucancancan how does it work at the moment with his shifts? You must be flexible already to accommodate this.
He’s moving in with his new partner so between them they will be able to show you ds a loving relationship and I’m sure she’s willing to help out also. Or is it more if the case you’re the ex that don’t want to see him moving on? Have you met his gf? She’s probably very understanding that you found it hard to see him move on so quickly but it’s time to let him get on with it. How does he pick the children up currently? Unless he doesn’t drive I’m not sure how it makes a difference

My ex moved to another country. Full of talk about how easy it would be to pop over regularly. But that just never materialised.

He rings fairly often and talks about "when I visit". Part of me wishes he'd just fuck off forever rather than leading a small child on.