Assets before marriage?

[threesecrets]

I found a piece of paper suggesting that my DH is going to divorce me. Was shocked. On the paper it says "assets brought into the marriage?"
When we bought our first house together he used £110k as a deposit which he used from selling his house. Would this be considered his or would they just value everything now as it stands. Married 11 years and one child. Both work. Please help.

Also is there a way that I make it so I stay in the house until our child is 18? Problem is it's a 4 bed so too big really but it's our home. He can afford to rent somewhere else to live. He could probably even buy somewhere else. We only have about £45k left on the mortgage. I just want to keep our home

Anything is up for discussion in a financial settlement.

It’s not a short marriage. Was there any document drawn up when the house was purchased to ring fence his money?

Think about the long term. If you stay in the house until the children are 18, the proceeds would be split 50/50. How old would you be then? Would you be able to rehouse yourself or get a mortgage?

So if he moved out and rented a place who would pay the mortgage on the matrimonial home? If he paid that in lieu of child maintenance could you afford all the other outgoings?

You need good legal advice

Generally all assets in the pot regardless of who brought what in ( but if needs and a fair settlement could be reached by excluding them it’s possible). For an 11 year marriage it’s unlikely they’ll be excluded
Include pensions
Mesher orders can be granted to allow one party to remain in the fmh- however, it’s often preferred to sell and split if this allows for clean break and you should also consider what happens when the child reaches 18 ( ie where will you live, how can you buy out his share, can you get a mortgage at this point etc)
If you get a mesher usually you are expected to pay the mortgage and bills in its entirety- can you do this and will a mortgage lender approve it
What are the child arrangements? What child maintenance will you receive ? Some lenders take this into consideration
Are you both working ? What are earnings now and future potential etc

A 4 bed house for 2 will be considered too large for needs. If you can afford to buy him out now, it’s possible, but unlikely you’d be awarded it if you expect him to keep paying for it and for him to be in rented - if selling now allows the clean break and for both of you to be adequately housed - you will be deemed as only needing a 2 bed

Again, this is general advice
It will depend purely on what total assets you have And earnings in order to determine overall splits

See a lawyer

Ok so there was no way of ring fencing the money before marriage he just seems to think because he brought that and I didn't bring anything he should keep it. I can pay the mortgage and bills of the house OK as the mortgage is low but it's a good point about what would I do when child is 18.

He can try to get the money put aside and if needs can be met without it it’s possible it may be - but cases on length of marriage and financial intertwinings and it’s in the matrimonial home it’s unlikely to be set aside ( but I’m not a lawyer)
Can you afford to buy out his share now ? If not, a mesher may be possible but it’s not an automatic right especially as it’s too big for your needs so you’re need to look at what the alternatives are

House is valued at about 500k. I can't afford a £250k mortgage. He can though. Divorce is shit

So you have about 450k in equity
What pensions are there ?
If you were to receive more than 50% of equity (say 70%) will that allow you to buy a 2 bed house ( poss with small mortgage)

Of course no one here can say what any settlement would be - especially as we dont know earnings or other assets are available but it’s possibly not likely that a court would keep you sitting in a large asset forcing him to take large mortgage or rent if selling it allows you both to be adequately housed and severe financial ties

This is why you need to understand pensions and other assets and take advise from a solicitor

I'm in denial now. I just can't let this happen

As your OP states you are in shock it’s understandable that you don’t want to face up to things. Has your dh actually spoken to you about separating or divorcing at all ?

But being prepared and taking control might actually help you

If he wants to divorce it’s probably going to happen so best try to work out what you need
Do you have friends and family for emotional support ? How old is your child ?

No he hasn't spoken to me at all but this is completely normal. He never talks to me. He puts me at fault for everything and has never been open about his feelings. He has no friends. I do have friends so I can talk with them

Would you consider lodgers for the 2 extra bedrooms? Perhaps another single parent and child in a similar situation to you, which would be extra income for you and let you stay comfortably in the house?

Maybe you need a 4 bedroom house but I really doubt it. If not don’t try to hang on to the house at all costs. You will end up making compromises in other areas that you may later regret when you negotiate.

IMO you would be better off taking a share of the equity that would allow you to live mortgage free in a smaller property.

Ok, I'm most of the way through the process so what I've learned.

If you go to court the lawyers win!

Aside the courts generally favour a clean break, both parties need to be adequately housed so if you own that means both parties can buy ideally. Adequately housed doesn't mean spare bedrooms.

Over 10 years assets brought into the marriage are not taken into account generally, everything goes into the pot, 50/50 is the basic assumption but will differ in some circumstances (I'm getting 65% for instance and and 5 years spousal maintenance).

Individual circumstances do come into play eg I have an adult dd with asd that requires housing.

It's tough, especially as you found out this way but you can be ready by ensuring passwords are changed, vital documents secure etc.

I cannot stress enough though that keeping it amicable will be better for you both. Dp has spent £££ on his divorce, I spent £550, filed online. Exh and I made a spreadsheet worked out jointly the costs, he agreed to rent for a year to sort things out, he's now buying me out.

I do understand why everyone is saying about the house and it completely makes sense but.... my parents got divorced and before I knew it we had left my much loved childhood home. I just can't face that upheaval for my child.

What sort of information might help? I can take pictures of his stocks and shares account but no idea what savings he has or what's in his bank account. I just don't see the point in getting divorces. We both end up poorer

Ok so there was no way of ring fencing the money before marriage

When DH and I bought our first house together, we used the money I had from the sale of my house as a deposit. We were both living in it, but a bought it way before we met and he moved in with me.

The solicitor who dealt with our purchase asked me if I wanted to ring fence "my" money in case of an eventual divorce, so your ex could have done that too if he'd wanted to.

You need a view of pensions, shares, savings, etc but he’ll have to provide financial
Disclosure as you will too

What sort of income do you both have

Seriously, don’t try to hang in to the house. Your child will adapt

I couldn’t ring fence the money I put in to our house. When we divorced DH had an equal claim, even though he hadn’t contributed equally. Marriage is shit.

@minnieok you are so fortunate ,mine wouldn’t engage it’s been awful and we have had to go to court .
Twice every things his been told to do he hasn’t and won’t .
The last hearing the judge wrote out what is expected of him .
His the lowest of the low we are going back in January.
Some will never give or discuss an offer .
My daughter has complex needs .

@minnieok

Ok, I'm most of the way through the process so what I've learned.

If you go to court the lawyers win!

Aside the courts generally favour a clean break, both parties need to be adequately housed so if you own that means both parties can buy ideally. Adequately housed doesn't mean spare bedrooms.

Over 10 years assets brought into the marriage are not taken into account generally, everything goes into the pot, 50/50 is the basic assumption but will differ in some circumstances (I'm getting 65% for instance and and 5 years spousal maintenance).

Individual circumstances do come into play eg I have an adult dd with asd that requires housing.

It's tough, especially as you found out this way but you can be ready by ensuring passwords are changed, vital documents secure etc.

I cannot stress enough though that keeping it amicable will be better for you both. Dp has spent £££ on his divorce, I spent £550, filed online. Exh and I made a spreadsheet worked out jointly the costs, he agreed to rent for a year to sort things out, he's now buying me out.

Minnieok, I was under the impression spousal support was rare unless a very high earner. Do you mind explaining your split of assests and how you came to work it out? My dh earned £99k last year and i wonder if I would be awared spousal. I earned 1/5 of what he earned.

Also, people talk about pensions.... how does that work? My pension is paid into monthly but I never see it. How would that come up in a divorce and if I had any claim to ex DH pension how would I get it. Would he have to contact the pension scheme and release a chunk of the money or do I wait 25 years till he claims it?

You’d get cetv estimates from pension companies then if anything was agreed to be split there would be a pension sharing order- and thus would be transferred into your pension or a pension scheme of your choice. Or you can use the value of the pension as an asset to offset against higher claim of equity for example. You’ll be receiving an annual pension statement showing you your total pot and estimated annual income at retirement anyway
You need to speak to a solicitor who can guide you through this. £1 of asset available now is not equal to £1 of Pension available in say 30 years time. And also courts would look at ages and time available to build up - eg if you are 30 then you have 35 years to build up a pension whereas if you are 55 you don’t

Of course it works both ways....you could have more in your pension pot than he has and might have to pay him money. That’s what happened to me.