Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Wtf husband using

10 replies

Domsadik · 25/07/2020 22:43

Name changed but been on here a while.
Just found out my husband has been using coke and other drugs . I lost it and told him to leave the house and he's been gone since midday. Tbh our relationship has been going downhill for over a year now but this has been the ultimate shocker. Spoken to dm/df as been quite emotional and she's telling me that this should be the catalyst for me to finally leave and that I could potentially lose my kids because of this!! Thing is I could not afford to pay him off as it stands and I don't want to lose the house? What do I do.....

OP posts:
fornowmaybe · 25/07/2020 22:49

Oh OP, I don't have any advice myself but I'm bumping for you, hoping that someone more knowledgable will come along Smile

Weenurse · 26/07/2020 02:09

Get legal advice, get documentation in order.
DM is right, you could lose your DC if not careful.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2020 02:12

Listen to your mother. You know exactly what you need to do. Or is raising your children around a drug addict a better idea?

Hidingtonothing · 26/07/2020 02:44

I get that you don't want to lose your house, but even if you did have to sell and rent somewhere (worst case scenario) it's still a million times better than losing your kids. If social services were to become involved in your family they would want to see you protecting your DC from their fathers drug abuse, so making him leave was exactly the right thing to do and keeping him away is how you make sure SS are happy for them to stay with you.

You need legal advice about the house, there may be a way for you to keep it but it will depend on your individual circumstances. One step at a time, you've done the most important thing by getting him to leave, take a breath now, there's nothing you can do about the house/solicitors etc til Monday.

Try not to think too long term or 'big picture' for now, just tackle one thing at a time so it doesn't feel so overwhelming. Getting you and DC through the weekend is enough for now, then you can get some advice about the house on Monday and find out where you stand Flowers

uniglowooljumper · 26/07/2020 03:17

No house is worth this person, not a one, or losing your kids. It's a house! You can get another one.

Couchbettato · 26/07/2020 03:23

Personally if it were me I'd be moving my children in with dm/df, then I'd be contacting social services and explaining you've already removed your children from the situation, but want advice as you can't afford to buy your husband out of the family home.

They may be able to put you in touch with a family solicitor but may also be able to advise about the evidence you need to take this to court to make sure he doesn't have access to your children until he is clean.

From their perspective you need to put the children first. Getting them out of the situation asap is the right thing to do.

Newbiehere123 · 26/07/2020 03:26

Sorry to be so dumb and gullible but how would you lose your children if you've basically kicked him out? Again I'm sorry if I have misunderstood, it is 3.30am (night feed) my brain isn't working.

Original poster
Domsadik · 26/07/2020 08:36

@Newbiehere123 he's got nowhere to go! He came back but is sleeping downstairs on the couch. But you're right I don't think I could ever trust him again as he was doing it behind my back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Domsadik · 27/07/2020 12:42

Update: he said it was a one off and is begging for forgiveness, would you give another chance? We have 2dc together...

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 27/07/2020 18:01

You will have a much better idea than us whether it really was a 'one off' OP, but even if it was he needs to figure out why he did it before he can make any kind of promises about not doing it again. You also said things had been deteriorating for a year, could this be down to him using drugs longer term and hiding it from you?

And even if not, can the issues you already had be resolved or are things just likely to keep deteriorating between you anyway, especially with this new drug issue (and the lying about it) on top? Lots of questions I realise and you need time to think everything through but I'm not sure I'd be hanging around now if things were already going downhill Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page