Impact on kids

[Vickyglitz]

Can someone give me any positive stories of how kids of a divorced couple turned out fine and aren't depressed or drug addicts? My friends are talking me out of exiting an abusive relationship because of the impact on our child - claiming kids of divorced couples get bulimia and depression and a whole host of mental issues. Our kid is 2 and my husband swears at me and calls me ugly and makes threats. I'm not sure this is a recipe for success in a family.

They say of moms happy everyone is happy.

My mum left our abusive father and it was a huge relief.

4 girls, all strong unrepentant hard working, yes we have a few drinks and like to dance the night away, but none have taken drugs, suffered with depression or any other MH conditions.

Best thing she did was leaving. We could be kids again.

You'll be doing more damage to your child if you stay. Of course children of divorced parents turn out fine, lots of them are adults who continue to co parent in an amicable way

My teenage daughter has after about 2 years come to understand that we are both much happier apart than together. She has got a top prefect type role for her last year that she would never have gone for without the strength that throwing her life up and letting it fall again. The kids will be fine and just ignore the haters... They probably just want to be like you but don't have the guts...

Your friends’ are being very unsupportive and quite the opposite of their advice is likely true. Your child can’t flourish whilst living in a home with an abusive father. She will likely grow up living in fear of her abusive father, walking on eggshells to please him and keep the peace in the house, or worse, she will come to believe that this behaviour is acceptable.

Do you have any savings or family you can turn to for support whilst you get your ducks in a row op?

Leave. Abuse, even if indirectly witnessed rather than experienced directly, leads to far worse outcomes. See these academic studies: domestic abuse affects IQ, health outcomes, all sorts

scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?q=witnessing+spousal+abuse+leading.to+poor.child+outcomes&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3D0MzsFx6rffIJ

scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?q=witnessing+spousal+abuse+leading.to+poor.child+outcomes&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DbZI8ZchG1KwJ

scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&as_vis=1&q=witnessing+spousal+abuse+drugs+leading.to+poor.child+outcomes&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DkkSjZKDNvfMJ

I could link to many, many more.

Your friends are so unbelievably wrong in what they say.

Your 'friends' aren't friends. Why in gods name would you want a friend to stay in an abusive relationship? Why would you want those children damaged by witnessing an abusive relationship and thinking that's normal? Your instinct is right, you need to leave. Your children will be better for it, not worse. I could give you a million examples of what growing up with an abusive parenting relationship is like and the very very bad impact it has in a child's self esteem but it is very heartbreaking so I won't. Just know you would be saving your children from a lot of hurt.

You need better friends.

Two days after I had my abusive husband removed from our house by the police, I heard my DD2 singing in the shower. She hadn't done that in years. Both my DDs started laughing again, playing again, being teenagers again.

Yes, they still have problems two years down the line even though their father is now dead. They have those problems because of his abusive behaviour, not because I got him out. They will recover in time because he is no longer around. If there is abuse in a relationship, leaving is the only right thing to do.

Please cut off all ties with this 'friend'.
And def ltb in the persuit of a better life. Because that will make you happier but also your kids

Well, to counteract some of your ‘friends’ claims... my mom and dad stayed together eventhough she wanted to leave him. I still developed eating disorder by the age of 13, lots of factors and it might be that mum criticising dad to us was one of them.

Do what feels right.

My parents divorced (was a mess and they handled it terribly!)

However, both me and my sister have professional careers (qualified to post graduate level). I have had mental health issues but 1 in 3 people do plus I had great support so got through it.

I know I am late to this thread so you may not even see this but I wanted to just say that what your friends are telling you is ridiculous. I turn 35 tomorrow, I was around 3 years old when my parents divorced - and even to this day I still thank my Mum for being brave enough to leave my Father. Had she stayed in the marriage "for my sake" my life would have been hell. Your children will see the way your husband treats you and think that is acceptable because you stay and put up with it, when they grow up and get in to relationships themselves they will tolerate unacceptable behaviour because they think it is 'normal'. Please ignore your friends crazy "advice", be strong and do what you know deep down is right.

God your friends are so wrong. So very wrong.
If you need any more reassurance then repost this in the adoption forum. There'll be social workers, adoptive parents and bio parents who will all confirm you are doing the right thing.